- First time I drank,

I just felt this senseof ease and comfort.

And I just remember beingable to talk easily.

I felt like I was funny.

I felt comfortable in myskin for the first time.

My life just instantlyrevolved around alcohol

from that point.

- [Narrator] From a young age,

Abby Pawley had deep insecuritiesand never felt accepted.

- I know as a child Inever felt good enough.

Sometimes I would be comparedto other kids in my class.

So I never quite felt like I measured up.

I didn't get great grades.

I was always trying toget my parent's approval.

- [Narrator] Although sheexcelled at sports in school,

she says she always yearned to feel loved.

- I felt like I had to be thin

in order for other people to love me.

Just because I didn't think I was lovable

and I would see magazinesand pictures of women

who were thin and inmy head I thought that

that's what people wanted.

That's what I thought I neededto be for boys to like me,

for other people to accept me and love me.

- [Narrator] When she was just 10

Abby received some shocking news.

People had just always made comments

that I didn't look like my parents.

And so one day I just askedmy mom if I was adopted.

And then she said, "Yes, you were."

And so it kind of shocked me.

I really wasn't know what kindof answer I was expecting.

Through that time justalways wondering, like,

why did they give me up for adoption?

And, where did I come from?

It really left me with a lot of questions

and not knowing who I was.

- [Narrator] Abby's emotional pain

led to a decades long battlewith anorexia and alcoholism.

- And so I was a blackoutdrinker from the very start

and my life just instantlybegan to revolve around alcohol.

So I was about 15 years old

and I had been at a partydrinking and blacked out,

got in a car with the guy.

And when I came to I didn'tknow what had happened.

And, I was rushed to the hospital

where they did a rape test.

You know, I just remembergoing into school that Monday

and wanting to disappear.

And that was when the bulimia I started.

- [Narrator] As she grew older,

Abby's alcohol and drug usegot worse, so did her anorexia.

At one point, her parentsintervened and sent her to rehab.

- I went to the treatmentcenter for my eating disorder.

And when I got there,

I had to fill out aquestionnaire and information

which had asked me about drinking.

It would ask me questions like,do you drink to get drunk?

And I was like, well, of course,

you know who doesn't drink to get drunk.

So they told me I needed tostart going to AA meetings.

- [Narrator] Her stint in rehab helped,

but she soon began drinking again.

It took a near fatal carcrash to wake her up.

- My life was becomingmore and more unmanageable.

I remember praying and asking God

even though I didn't know who God was

or if he even cared about meor if I even believed in him,

but asking God for help,

that was when I had a caraccident and hit a telephone pole.

And I felt like that was just God

stopping the madness in my life

and kind of taking me out of my life,

putting me in a hospital bed for five days

where I could detox and not hurt anybody.

- [Narrator] Shortly after she visited

Southeast Church in Louisville.

During the service, she hearda song by Hillsong Worship

that changed her life.

- I saw the banner that saidconnecting people to Jesus

and one another.

So I knew that that was what I wanted.

That's what I was looking for.

And when I walked intothe sanctuary for service,

they played the song "IAm Who You Say I Am".

So I knew right then

that I was right whereI was supposed to be.

Just everything in the sermon

and everything just touched my heart

and I just felt like I had arrived.

I remember that samefeeling when I drank alcohol

for the first time, that ease and comfort.

And, but this time itwas that Holy Spirit.

- [Narrator] Abby says she accepted Christ

and was water baptized at Southeast.

- I got involved in awomen's study, a Bible study.

I had told the woman,

I really wanna learn more about Jesus.

I wanna learn more about the Bible.

I had always heard aboutJesus, but I didn't know Jesus.

And I wanted to get to know Jesus.

Only God can fill that God-sized hole.

And I feel like that'swhat filled me up, finally.

- [Narrator] She alsore-entered a treatment program

for alcohol and her eating disorders.

- Going to the bulimiawas my way of trying

to take back control.

I just gotten connected, metother women, other believers,

and learning more about Jesus

and finding my identity in Christ.

And that's really helped merecover from those demons

and those voices that alwaystold me I wasn't good enough

and seeking approval of other people.

I've learned that the onlyapproval I need is of God

and he already loves me no matter what.

- [Narrator] Today, Abby ispursuing her bachelor's degree

in education and hopesto go into missions.

- So right now I feel likeI'm in this kind of period

of waiting and just waiting tosee what God has next for me.

And one of the prayers I always tell God

is that I'm open, willing, and ready

for whatever you have for me.

- [Narrator] Abby says she no longer cares

what the world says about who she is.

She knows what God says.

- Now, I realize that I am a child of God.

And just like that song,I am who he says I am,

which I'm a child of God

and really learning what that means.

It's not gonna say on mytombstone, "She was thin".

It's just gonna say, I want it to say that

"She was a believer of Jesus Christ".

That's what I wanna be remembered for.