- I was 24 years old, just been arrested

for abduction and robbery,facing 25 to life.

And I can only think of one way out,

I attack the sheet to the bar,

and I created a noose on the other end.

And so I put the noose around my neck

and I jump off the second row bar,

thinking I was gonna hang myself

and that was gonna bethe end of my struggle,

the end of my pain.

How did I get here?

My dad was a great discipline man.

He didn't play no games.

My mother would spank me, hard a lot,

and I felt like, attimes I was being abused.

I found acceptance with my crew,

and I hit the streets looking for freedom.

I was drinking thatnight, smoking weed at 12.

I didn't have any guidance.

The only person I thoughtloved me, was my grandmother.

She loved the Lord, shetaught and instilled

the Word of God to me as a child.

I knew that love existedthrough my grandmother.

But with everything else going on,

I was angry and alwaysgetting into trouble.

I was all in the streets, selling drugs

I liked the lifestyle,you know, of danger.

I always carry guns,

you know, it gave me adrenaline rush.

Then in 1997, my grandmadied unexpectedly.

And that just send me into a rage.

I got angry at God,

like how could you let my grandmamma die

when she loved you all her life?

So every time I got angry, Iwill be violent to someone.

For the next few years,

I was in and out of jailfor different things.

Then in 2000, I got bustedfor abduction and robbery,

and looking at life ,I was depressed,

angry at myself, and afraid.

That's when I tried to hang myself.

The news broke, and then they took me back

and put me back in isolationobservations cell again.

And I said I need a Bible,

because I remember thathow my grandmother was.

I remember that she used to be in the word

and how the word wouldbring her so much joy.

So I started reading my Bible

and for the first timeI started having hope.

Then one day I said to God,

not my will, let yourwill be done with my life.

I said, I ain't go prayto get out no more.

I said, I'ma give mylife to you, I surrender.

God proved himself to me,

because instead of serving time,

I was given probationand a suspended sentence.

And I walked out of jailthat day, I knew He was real.

(laughing)

I knew He was not justreal for my grandmother,

I knew He was real for me.

For a while I was straight, I got clean,

I got a job and an apartment, but people

were still talking bad aboutme, because of my past.

So the day I got off probation,

I went back around my friends

to show them I cleaned up, I changed.

I wanted acceptance from my crew again

but that came back to bite me

because I didn't have enough

to be able to say no to one puff.

I didn't have what it took to stop.

It was within six months,I lost my apartment,

I lost myself dignity.

When I would use drugsas a way of an escape

of trying to run from God,

because I couldn't stop mythoughts when I was sober.

My thoughts was still, How could you?

How could you disappoint God?

Now I was doing whatever Icould to escape the shame I felt

I thought there's noway God will forgive me

or take me back afterall the things I've done.

I ended up selling my body toboys to get money for crack

sliced open my chest with aknife and flee my chest open.

I stabbed myself with theicepick coming through my skin,

self mutilate myself, so angry at me,

and I live like that for three years.

(soft music)

Then on June 26th of 2006,I stumbled into a bathroom

of a fast food jointto get a drink of water

and when I looked up in the mirror brother

I tell you, it scared me

I seen death lookingat me through my eyes.

I said Jesus if you real,

like you was real my grandmamma for real

I need to know you for real for myself.

I said I apologize for hurting you,

for disrespecting you, pleasecome into my heart Lord

change me, change the way I think,

change the way I look,change everything about me

that you will get yourglory through my life.

It was Jesus himselfman, He saved my life.

Everything was brighterwhen I opened my eyes.

Right after that God led meto Victory Gospel Chapel.

They let me take a bath andgave me some clean clothes,

some food and a beer.

I slept for two days and when I woke up,

they started training me howto be a mighty man of God.

(soft music)

Change came after me, standing the word

getting connected, me feedingmyself the Word of God,

and that started changing mylife and not just my life,

God restored myrelationship with my parents

and I led them both to Christ.

God replaced my anger withhis love and acceptance.

Today, I'm a husband,a father and a pastor,

sharing God's love with everyone I meet.

At one time I was reallyhungry for acceptance,

but now, I know that I'm accepted by God.

Because God saved us, to use us,

so He can save others through us.