(calm music)

- I am with somebody andthey're really nice people

but they have the same smile as he does

and I can't speak, I'm frozen.

- [Narrator] Cornelia Judespent much of her life

running from the pain ofchildhood sexual abuse in Germany,

most of it coming after hermother's boyfriend moved in

when Cornelia was 12.

- I didn't tell my mom in the beginning

because he manipulated situations

and she always believedhim, she never believed me.

- [Narrator] The sexual abuselasted for almost a decade.

- After the second and the third time,

he made clear to methat now, I'm involved.

This is now my fault as much as it's his.

- [Narrator] As a teen, shelooked for a way to escape

the fear and rage growing inside.

- I slept at the localpark with homeless people.

I was doing drugs, I wasdrinking, I was cutting myself.

When I would cut myself, Iwould feel better in the moment.

After, I would not feel good.

- [Narrator] Then, Corneliathought she found a way out,

a baby and a marriage at the age of 18.

- He did drugs and alcohol,

he would get super, super aggressive.

One time, I had toactually get my teeth fixed

because that's how bad he had beat me.

The beating was betterthan the sexual abuse.

- [Narrator] After fourmonths of marriage,

Cornelia left her abusive husband

but she soon foundanother man, an American

whom she followed to theUnited States and married.

However, it wasn't theescape she had hoped for.

- He was out all the time,he was drinking all the time.

I don't know how manytimes he cheated on me

during that time, but I wascool with it, I was fine.

I wasn't sexually abused, I wasn't beaten.

- [Narrator] By now,Cornelia had been having

consistent panic attacks,nightmares and breakdowns.

After one particular episode,she went to a therapist

who diagnosed her with PTSD.

- I isolated myself a lot andreally, really cried a lot.

- [Narrator] After twoyears unable to bear

the emotional abuse any longer,

she took her two children and left.

- I just really always said,

"There's no such thing as a good God

"because there's noway that he would allow

"one person to go through all of this."

- [Narrator] For five years,

Cornelia tried to raise her kids

while numbing her fearand anxiety with alcohol.

Then she met Lawrence, theyhad a daughter together

and got married.

Lawrence followed after God,

and tried setting thatexample for his family

but Cornelia kept hermechanisms of coping.

- I went back to my drinking and clubbing

and Lawrence was home withthe kids most of the time

and sometimes I would comehome, five, six in the morning

and I'm still drunk and I see him,

he'll sit on the bed and he's praying

and I would get so mad at him

because I felt like that was his way

of trying to manipulate me.

- [Narrator] For about adecade, Cornelia avoided God

and had to cope with her internal hell.

Then, in 2015, she noticed a little church

on her daily commute.

As she passed by it every day,

she felt something calling to her.

- It was this pull, youshould go check that out.

And I was like talking to myself,

"I'm not gonna go in there,why would I go in there?"

And then, one day, I'm like,

"You know something, we'rejust gonna go check it out."

And I came home and I told my husband,

"Hey, let's check out this church."

And he was like, "What?"

- [Narrator] The couplestarted attending the church

but Cornelia was still resistant

to the Lord's pull on herheart and decided to leave.

But before doing so,she met with the pastor

who equipped her with a tool

that would completely alter her course.

(peaceful music)Forgiveness.

- He said to me, everytime I get a feeling of

I need to go drink, or whenI wake up from nightmares,

which happened all the time,

that I would say, "I choose to forgive,

"I choose to forgive."

And I say, "God, I can'tdo this, I cannot do this.

"And if you can hearme, help me to forgive."

- [Narrator] That time would finally come.

She returned to the churchfor a prayer service

where the congregation could write things

and name some people thatneeded prayer on a whiteboard.

For Cornelia, only oneperson came to mind,

her mother's old boyfriend.

- I put his name there andsomething inside of me was like,

somebody just let go of my heart.

And there was a switch in my brain

and in my heart, I didn't seehim as this monster anymore.

That was one of the mostamazing days of my life.

- [Narrator] Cornelia was engulfed by love

and, soon after, gave her life to Jesus.

She stopped drinking and the nightmares

and panic attacks began to diminish.

With the grace of God's forgivenessand a transformed heart,

Cornelia began rebuilding a love and trust

of her mother, husband and family.

- I needed forgiveness, andif God gives me forgiveness,

he can give it to anybody,anybody in this world

'cause that's what he wants to do.

He just wants to give us allthis grace and all this love

and all we need to do is accept it.

And to feel him in my heart

and to know that on daysthat I have a rough day,

that I can just lean on him.

With him, I can do anything.