- All of my memories from there forward

were dominated by fear and insecurity.

- [Reporter] Laura Lee Stanleygrew up in a loving family,

but at age seven she was traumatized

when her mom was diagnosedwith multiple sclerosis.

- I have so many schoolmemories of high anxiety,

wanting to be at home, wantingto be made secure at home,

and feeling ill, and asking my teachers,

"Can I go home?"

- [Reporter] During thattime, she discovered a book

in her parent's bathroom withpornographic adult humor,

and that opened the doorto finding pornography

in magazines and graphic novels.

- There was somethingabout the use of porn

that isolated me.

It made me want to find timealone and away from people.

I could get lost in it,

and the anxieties would go away.

- [Reporter] Her addictiongrew by experimenting

with other children sexually.

Then, another traumaticlife experience hit her.

- My dad was diagnosed with an illness,

and it took him, it took him quickly,

and I really did collapse underthe anxieties and the fears

and the responsibilities andthe perceptions of myself.

And my comfort was to go back to porn.

- [Reporter] Feelings of shame grew,

along with a skewed perceptionof who she was as a girl.

Through all of this, shehad started attending church

and gave her life to Christ.

- I prayed to receive Christand was sincere in every way

of my desire to follow him.

I really had a problem withsome of my secret behaviors,

but when I would bring themup, there was no real help.

I just, it actually kindof increased my shame.

I would go through seasonsof swearing off my behaviors,

only to have them come backand be much, much worse.

- [Reporter] In college,she was invited to church,

where she had a newawakening of her faith.

- And I remember what it waslike to be in an environment

that administered the wordin ways that opened my heart.

Instead of it being anintellectual decision

to follow Jesus because I knewit was the right thing to do,

now I'm contending with the battle

being really at the heart level.

I could really see thatthere was a part of me

that did not agree with God,

and it was in that seasonthat I came to a point

where I understood his forgiveness.

I had a real experienceof feeling forgiven,

and I knew that it had todo with the shameful stuff.

In a matter of just a few weeks,all that tormenting traffic

in my mind stopped.

- [Reporter] For the next sixmonths, she was overwhelmed

by God's loving kindness andthen the unexpected happened.

- I met a woman in my church.

She and I became quick, fast friends,

and we thought beingroommates would be great,

but on the night we became roommates,

I fell into a same sexrelationship with her,

and I stayed in thatrelationship for three years.

There was a real conflictbecause I had tasted

the Lord's loving kindness by then.

I really did know.

It's like, what do I do?

I love her so completely,but I love the Lord,

and that wrestling stayedin place the whole time

that we were together,

and I didn't know what to do with it.

So what I did was I moved apart from her,

thinking if I could justget some emotional space,

I'll be able to manage this thing better.

- [Reporter] One night aftera fight with her lover,

Laura Lee heard from the Lord

something she never anticipated.

- The Lord of Life spoke in my ear,

and he said I love you,what are you doing?

And it was like a giant shift happened,

and what was in front of me,

what was happening rightthen became nothing.

I do not want it.

This is not what I want,this life with this woman,

this way, the way I'm conducting myself.

This is not what I want.

And all of a suddeneverything became different.

Two days later she brokeoff the relationship

for reasons that I wouldnever be able to explain,

except the Lord.

It seems like in thatfirst few weeks of my time,

my repentance, my forsaking sin,

it was like he was answering me.

I've got all of your shame.

By his Holy Spirit, he ledme to make an inventory

of everything that hadbeen hidden in my life.

As he showed me my clear sin

and got me to clearly admit it,

he began to really unhook mefrom that, the power of shame,

and things started changing,significantly started changing.

I had a lot of peace comeinto my life at that point.

You know, not just at salvation

when the tormenting voicesstopped, that was great.

I mean that was great.

I thought I could live therest of my life that way,

but what it was liketo actually be with him

and have peace.

When I was quiet, anxietywasn't driving me to sexual sin.

- [Reporter] Today, Laura Lee is married

and ministers to womenat First Dawn Ministries.

- I was just reading in Ephesians,

and I was just thinking about how Paul

would encourage them.

He didn't say, youknow, he didn't just say

stop doing what you're doing.

He did say that, but he wouldsay, this is not who you are.

You were formally darkness,but now you're light.

Walk like children of light.

This isn't what you're meant to be.

This is not life in Christ.

So that's what I want for young women

is really to understand there is a hope

beyond just gutting it out.

Fighting for sobrietyis what put me deeply

in the community of faith.