(gentle music)

- It wasn't that I wantedan abortion, I didn't.

I felt like my baby would be better off

not comin' into this world.

I wasn't any good for anybody.

I was in my second trimesterwhen a doctor said,

I can do this, but it won't be easy.

You'll have to give birth.

So, I went to the hospital.

I was in labor for 24 hours.

The kind of pain that can only be stopped

at hearing your baby's first cry.

I would never hear that cry.

I am sorry, baby.

I am so sorry.

I went home and I just,I just wanted to die.

I couldn't live with what I had done.

I sat on the edge of mybed and I had a razor blade

and I took that razor blade and I cut

just the tiniest little slitand I wanted to keep going,

but the phone rang.

I answered the phoneand it was a gentleman

who had come to the church and he said,

the Lord told me you were in trouble.

The Lord says if you willwalk the straight and narrow

and trust in him he will restore

what the locusts have eaten in your life

and give you back 10 fold what Satan

has taken from you.

God loved me so much thathe had this man call me

and I promised the Lordthat I would live for him.

God, in his mercy, sawfit to bring someone

in my life, my husband, who's the kindest,

gentlest man I've ever known.

And as things began tostrengthen in our relationship

I thought, I've gotta end this now.

It's not even fair to him.

I told him everything about my life

and how it had been.

I'll never forget his words.

He said, it may havemattered at one point,

but it's too late.

I love you and God hassent me into your life

to undo those ugly thingsthat have happened to you.

We have, to date, been married 42 years.

We have two daughters and two sons.

It has been the mostrewarding 42 years of my life.

My husband, Cary, is a gift from God.

The Lord has given me allthat I could've hoped for.

I had happiness, but therewas something lacking

in my life.

I realized that what Iwas missing was real joy

and I was missing that because I couldn't

forgive myself for what I had done.

I longed to see my daughter.

I thought, how could therebe no tears in heaven?

When I get there, when shesaw me, what would she say?

Why did you do that, mommy?

And, on the surface I washappy, but I had no peace.

I heard about a man who washoldin' a revival in Lakeland.

His name was Pastor Rodney Howard Brown.

So, Cary and I went.

He was very willing 'causehe knew the struggles

that I had.

And I sat through the wholeservice and nothing happened.

So, we got ready to leaveand I was so disappointed.

I was heart broken.

We were standing out in the foyer.

All of a sudden the Holy Spirit fell on me

and suddenly I fell down in the foyer

and the Lord transported me to heaven.

I looked up and I saw thisred hue and it cleared up.

I saw Christ sitting on a rock.

He was sitting there in a white robe.

He looked down at me and he had his hands

on his tummy and he was laughing

and he would lean down like this

and he would just throw his head back

and just laugh with sheer delight.

But then it began to clear up on the left.

I saw this little girl with pigtails

in a little white dressand she was skipping

and dancing and twirlingaround the feet of Jesus

and he was laughing and enjoying her.

And all of a sudden, sheturned and looked at me.

Our eyes met and Iimmediately recognized her

as my daughter.

I reached and I wanted to touch her.

I kept saying, just let me touch her,

just let me hold her.

And she skipped overto Jesus and she tugged

on his garment and she looked down

and pointed at me and said,look, Jesus, mommy's laughing.

And he said, I know.

Isn't that wonderful?

And he turned and lookedat me and he said,

from this day forward no longer will you

minister out of your pain,but you will minister

out of your joy.

And I knew that there trulywould be no tears in heaven.

My daughter held noanimosity toward me at all.

She was eager to see me.

She was happy to see me joyous.

It changed my life.

Seeing her will forever be a memory

that I will cherish'cause God, what he did is

he replaced that memoryof that tiny little baby

and he replaced it withseein' my beautiful daughter

dancing around the feet of Jesus.

What a wonderful God we serve

who forgives completely.

At that moment I wasable to forgive myself

and believing that my sin was too great

was literally wateringdown the blood of Jesus

because his blood wassufficient for all sins.

No matter what we've donehis grace is sufficient.