- [Josh] The poorestplaces, no heating or air,

broken glass everywhere,barely open blinds,

really, really dark.

(foreboding screech)

- [Narrator] Depression was commonplace

in Josh Marcengill's world growing up

in a small poverty strickentown in South Carolina.

He, his older brother, andfather, struggled to find hope.

- The world wasn't good.

It was hard, and my idea wasthat life is pretty terrible

and pretty much a curse on all of us.

Hope was in a very short supply.

- [Narrator] As he grew older,his thoughts became darker.

- Somewhere between 10and 13, I'm all the way

into suicidal thoughts.

I don't remember a daythat I didn't, like,

it was every single day.

- [Narrator] His mothertook him to church.

Even there, Josh felt aprofound sense of failure.

- [Josh] Everyone's saying,"If we continue to sin,

"then we would go to hell."

Life is painful enough.

If I'm going to hell, whywould I spend time in church

for a God that's never gonna help me?

- [Narrator] Josh quietedhis thoughts of suicide

with typical teenage rebellion:

cigarettes, drugs, and drinking.

But the quiet ended shortlyafter he turned fifteen.

- My father committed suicide,

and that was dark and difficult.

My dad was my best friend.

It was maybe six weeks aftermy dad committed suicide

that I attempted suicidefor the first time.

(knocking and banging)

- [Narrator] Two weekslater, he was returning

from a mental institutionafter slicing his wrists.

(loud crash reverberating)

Josh dropped out of schooland dove into drugs and sex

to quiet his ever presentthoughts of suicide

and growing sense of failure.

- Instead of the thoughts talking to me,

they're screaming at me.

They feel more real and more close.

I remember telling a lot of people

that I would be dead before I was 30.

- [Narrator] One day, whileworking a part time job

at a video store, his manager

suggested he try going to college.

- Whoa, how could somebody think

that someone like me could go to college?

It was a glimmer of hope,and thought, "All right,

"I think I should try that."

- [Narrator] Josh went on to get his GED

and enrolled in community college.

But at age 20, he receivedsome all too familiar news.

- I get a call that mybrother committed suicide,

just devastating, realizingthat he was completely gone.

He would never be back.

But the interesting thing was is that,

that morning my brotherand I shared a moment.

He said, "Hey, Josh," and I said, "Yeah."

And he said, "Man, I justwant you to know I love you."

(slow poignant music)

- [Narrator] Josh would attempt

to take his own life five more times

in the coming few years.

At the same time, he pouredhimself into his studies,

believing a degree and a good job

would ultimately prove he hadworth and wasn't a failure.

- My biggest enemy waspoverty, and college,

it felt like an opportunityto create a better life.

- [Narrator] Josh's hard work paid off.

And in 2007, he graduatedtop of his class with an MBA

and landed a dream jobat a Fortune 500 company.

In the end, it did nothing

to ease his troubled heart and mind.

- In every respect, I was successful.

It was every dream thatI had ever been able

to have for myself.

And then I'm still feeling empty inside

and just everything's worthless.

I remember just sitting therein my downtown apartment,

and I'm crying and justfeeling completely defeated.

And so I said, "God, if you're real,

"would you please just do away with me?

"Would you please take my life?"

- [Narrator] Josh says itwas then he had a vision

filled with attacking demonsand encouraging saints.

(spooky voices reverberating)

At one point, a man appeared to him

and offered to take his pain away.

Josh new the man was Jesus.

- I thought, "Wow, who is Jesus?

"How did I miss this about him?"

He's staring at me with these kind eyes,

and he's like, "Josh, Ican take it from here."

- [Narrator] Though Joshwasn't sure exactly what

to make of the vision,he was about to find out.

He quit his stressful, unfulfilling job,

and shortly after he went to a church

to hear a friend, a pastor.

- My friend began giving a message

about a relationship with Jesus.

I mean, it just had to havebeen what God had planned

for me to hear.

I ran up to him afterwards,and I grabbed him

by the shoulders, and I'm shaking him:

"You have to help me havea relationship with Jesus."

And I accepted Christ thatday, and it was wonderful.

I felt release.

(inspiring music)

It just felt like maybe Goddoes have a plan for my life.

- [Narrator] Josh beganbuilding a new life in Christ,

and says within the year God delivered him

from his depression andall suicidal thoughts.

- There was no presence of anxiety,

and I was able to hold onto peace,

just to grab ahold of the presence of God.

- [Narrator] Today Joshis on staff at his church

and runs the Bibles for All ministry

with his wife, Mary.

He no longer feels likea failure, and instead,

is grateful to have peace in Jesus.

- Just to think about the reality

that Jesus had taken me asthis broken, hurting child

and had brought me into such a place,

it was everything I had ever wanted.

I just realized that,wow, life is meaningful.

(slow poignant music)