- [Narrator] Ashley Knawlgrew up in a Christian home.

Following the exampleof those closest to her

she asked Jesus into her heartwhen she was a little girl.

But she says her decisionwas a superficial one.

- At the time when I accepted Jesus

God really wasn't on theforefront of my mind.

It was more of just amilestone to get done.

I fit in with my beliefs.

I would go to church.

I would talk about God.

I would claim to be a Christian,

but I think inside I started getting

kind of more rebellious.

I started questioning more and more

if this whole faith thing was for me

and if God really was real.

- [Narrator] In highschool Ashley was bullied

and struggled to feelaccepted among her peers.

In class she became intrigued with science

and the study of the mind.

- I got an interest in psychology

and I would get allthese books talking about

the power of the mind

and I had such a longing to understand

how to control my mind.

And then to be able to control my reality.

I didn't have a grip on my life.

I felt worthless.

In my opinion, like beingable to control certain

aspects of my life would be beneficial.

- [Narrator] She also beganto question God's existence.

By her senior year shedeclared herself an atheist.

- And the more that I got into school

and dealt with like somebullying and everything

and some of the people whowere labeled as Christians

I just started just really thinking,

I'm like this doesn't make sense to me.

One, God doesn't seem real.

Two, these people who are Christians,

they're not acting in that way

and so I don't want anythingto do with this faith.

That's when I decided that's it.

Like I no longer believe in God.

And I had this false sense of freedom.

I was like I'm finally free.

I finally felt in control of my life.

I felt like I was making myown independent decisions

and I thought it made me intelligent.

And I found all my worth in it.

- [Narrator] But despiteher new sense of control

she couldn't find lasting happiness.

- Actually when I had first left God

and first became an atheist

it wasn't only but a few months after that

I was actually diagnosed with depression.

I kept a really sick journal

about how much I hated Christianity.

I actually got intosome toxic relationships

and got more intopartying and just cussing

and just all these thingsthat were never really

who I was.

- [Narrator] In college Ashleyisolated herself from friends

while she began delvinginto New Age practices.

Looking for direction in life,

she used Tarot cardsand channeled spirits.

- I was also involved with spirit guides

which turned out justare demons on this Earth.

They would show me good visions.

They would also show me dark visions.

The spirit guide would just show me things

that I didn't want to see

and that I didn't need to see.

And the things that I could control

they weren't bringing me any joy.

They weren't bringing me any peace at all.

And so this just lead me to a place

where I didn't even wanna live anymore.

I had ruined my friendships.

I wasn't doing my organizations anymore.

I didn't care about class that much.

At this point there reallywasn't anything to live for.

- [Narrator] Ashleycouldn't seem to escape

the suicidal thoughts thatcame to her mind daily.

So she dropped out ofcollege and returned home.

She started working and in her spare time

she posted New Age videosone a YouTube channel.

But she couldn't shake depression

and increasing panic attacks.

- A person either bringspositive or negative

experiences into their life.

The New Age wasn't working.

Leaving college wasn't working.

There was nothing in mylife that was going right.

I was outside in themidst of a panic attack.

I started getting suicidal thoughts

because I didn't know how to escape it.

- [Narrator] In that momentAshley realized her life

was out of control.

And she remembered theGod she learned about

as a child.

- All I could really just say was like,

God please, like I need You.

And I called on the name of Jesus

because there were times that I thought

I was praying to Godsduring the New Age movement

but it was all false

and so I called on the one true,

the one true living God.

And He was already there for me.

And the second that I said His name

my whole panic attack just stopped

and like I just felt a peace come over me.

And I just started crying.

I was like oh my goodness.

Like I'm so sorry Lord,

because He made His presence so known

like He touched my heart so deeply.

And I just knew He was real.

He just quieted me.

He was like, Ashley it's going to be okay.

- [Narrator] This time Ashley was sincere

about having a real relationship with God.

She connected with a local church

and began studying the Bible.

As her love for God grew stronger

she let go of all New Age practices.

- After coming intorelationship with the Lord

I have not experienced any anxiety.

I no longer have panic attacks.

My depression has been wiped away

and I haven't been suicidal since either.

He's completely filledme with joy and peace.

- [Narrator] Ashley is stillproducing YouTube videos

but this time it's all about God's love.

She's active in her church,

and she's returned to college.

Ashley is delivered from darkness.

And today God is her guiding light.

- In Jesus I've foundthe most beautiful love.

Now I don't want control over my life.

I don't wanna make decisions without God

because I know what happenswhen I make my own decisions.

And the plans that God has for me

are so much better than what I could ever

imagine for myself.