- [Jonathan] We had a 15-year journey,

and in those 15 years we realized

what it looked like to not be perfect,

but to be really intentionalabout our marriage.

- [Reporter] Jonathan and Wynter Pitts

celebrated their 15-yearanniversary in 2018.

Less than a month later,

Jonathan turned in the final manuscript

for their latest book.

Four hours later, Wyntertook her last breath

in her husband's arms.

- Our marriage isn'tlacking in significance.

That has eternalsignificance that goes beyond

our 15 years as well.

- [Reporter] In their book, Emptied,

Jonathan shares their takeon happily ever after,

and how their love storycontinues to help others,

even in the face of loss and tragedy.

- What a bittersweetstory, and Jonathan is

here with us today.

I mean, this is so rawly recent

that I can't imagine watchingthat video if I were you,

but the book is the legacy

of both of you and the history

of the time that you had together,

and the family that you built.

How are you and your girls doing?

- Yeah, we're doing well.

I think we're doing aswell as any family ...

- As can be.- That's gone through that.

But with the hope of the Lord

and just what we have to hold onto.

- [Terry] Your wife was only 38 when she

went to be with the Lord,and it was unexpected.

What happened?

- Yeah, she had a heartmurmur, which is not a--

It's a pretty normalthing, but for some reason

her heart murmur caused her heart to stop,

and she just quickly, suddenly,

but really actually peacefully,

went into the arms of her Savior.

- [Terry] Wow.

- Super sudden, had no idea.

- How did you and the girls get through

those first few months?

You know, it's onething if someone is sick

and you have time to contemplate

the fact that this might bethe end of life for them,

but when something happens so suddenly,

it's almost like wakingup from a bad dream.

Did that really happen?

How have you handled that?

- Yeah, I had every one of those feelings,

but I think back, people askme how are you doing this,

and Philippians 4:13, I can do all things

through him who gives me strength.

I realized that scriptureis not just for coffee cups.

It's the reality of Christ in me,

the hope of the Lord, like Ihave his strength inside of me,

and it's not me, it's God.

I say it over and over again.

- So here you are on theprogram with us today,

and really, the purpose isn't

because of what happened in the

death situation of awife you dearly loved,

but because of a book you wrote together.

- Yeah.- A book about marriage,

so the book is called Emptied.

You and Wynter wrote this together.

What did she hope toaccomplish through this book?

What was her heart for it?

- Yeah, well, we wrote the book,

actually to a couple, friends of ours

that we mentored, theylived with us for a summer,

that we were mentoring themin life and in marriage,

and we had no idea thatwe were at the time,

but we wrote the book specifically to them

as a young couple with young kids,

and we wrote to themjust very honest, open,

about our issues, and sowe tried to write in a way

where we're just telling our story,

sharing our story of what it looked like

to be emptied of allthe things that we were

kinda full of, so that God could fill us

with the things he wanted to fill us with.

But we did it, it's a lot of story,

and a lot of journeythrough our ups and downs

and everything else.- Well, just getting emptied

is a lot of journey, right?- Yeah.

It's a process.- Right there, right there.

You write, "From a gospel perspective,

there's only one purpose for marriage."

What is that?

- Shucks, I'm trying to remember what I

wrote down in there.(laughing)

It would be oneness, really.- Yeah.

- Just oneness, I mean, youlook in the Book of Genesis

and it's just a reality that's there

and it's a realitythroughout the whole Bible,

but just oneness that

our me can become we.

- Yes, and you know, the me is probably

what we all struggle with

from the beginning to the end.

- Yeah.- You know, getting rid of

that selfishness andmaking we the greater goal.

What were some of the biggest struggles

you guys had with regard to that?

- Yeah, I think in one waywe brought some of our sins

into that, which wetalk about in the book.

We brought expectations, some healthy,

some not so healthy.

We also brought just the reality of

when you're a person kind of being formed,

like, you have all these things that

aren't even necessarily bad things,

that are things that justaren't prioritizing your spouse,

so one of the parts of emptying yourself

is what does it looklike to empty yourself

of the things that aren't bad,

but are getting in the wayof you loving your wife

or loving your spousewholeheartedly and fully.

For me that was like golf and (mumbling).

(laughing)Different things, but yeah.

Lots of things.- Sports in general, yeah.

So talk about what it means to be emptied.

I mean, can we ever really get there

or is the process, you know, the goal

and we just keep moving?

- Yeah, well the bookcomes from Philippians 2:7,

although Jesus was equal with God

he didn't take his equality with God

as something to be grasped,but took on the form

of a servant, humbling himself

to become obedient to death,even death on the cross.

So I think it looks like humility,

it looks like servanthood.

It looks like obedience,like just these words that

are just powerful words in that verse

that just basically call us--

It's the life of Christ,it's being like Christ.

So those things right there.

- There are some placesin the book where you're

very honest, also, aboutyour disagreements.

And I think that can besuch a divisive thing

if it's not handled right.

I mean, things get said and done that

have lasting impact on arelationship and its health.

How did you and Wynterlearn to handle differences,

and especially when youfelt strongly about them?

- Yeah, I mean, one, justleaning into what we knew

God was calling us to do,

so like that typicallylooked like me being quieter

when I wanted to be louder,

and it looked like her engagingwhen she wanted to withdraw.

'Cause that was our natural tendency.

Hers was to withdraw andmine was to get more--

You know, just more words, more forceful,

all that.- Yeah, let's talk about this.

- And so it looked likeus doing the opposite

of what we did naturally,

and that's really the call of the kingdom.

Like the kingdom is doingthe opposite, typically,

of what you feel likeyou're supposed to be doing.

Just like Jesus, I mean, to save us

he went to the cross, you know?

Like it was the exact opposite of what

anybody would think that heshould be doing to save--

You know, at the timethe Jews are thinking

their savior's gonnalook like something else,

and he comes and he dies,

so it looks like us dying.

If you're not dead yet,then you're not done

in your marriage, 'cause the reality is

the call is to day by day--- Die, die daily.

- That sounded harsh, butit's day by death servanthood,

day by day looking like Christ,

which for him it was dying for our sins

and for us it's giving up ofourselves for our spouses.

- You were counseling,as you wrote this book,

a couple who obviously wereboth willing to work at it.

What do you say to somebody when

they're in an unequally yoked scenario

or married to someone who's not really

ready to do the die thing?

What do you do?

- Yeah, well I mean, the Biblewould encourage that person--

I'm not gonna give thereference for the scripture,

'cause I can't rememberoff the top of my head,

but to live in a way that honors Christ

in hopes that you woulddraw your spouse to Christ,

so it's still the same thing.

It's still serving, it's still humility,

it's still all that.

Obviously if you're inan abusive relationship,

that's a whole different thing,

but if you're in amarriage unequally yoked,

the call, if you'renot in an unsafe place,

is to continue to be a witness for Christ,

which looks the sameas being equally yoked

as it is unequally yoked.

- Yeah, that's kind of adouble sacrifice, isn't it?

- Yeah, it really is.- Where there's the reward

is not present at the time.

What do you want for your daughters?

I mean they had such an amazing woman

to look up to as their Mom.

You're kinda carrying the load,

my friend, at this point.

What do you think Wynterwould want for them,

and what do you as a Dad intend

to walk out before them?

- Well, I mean, honestly,I want them to see

God's hand all through ourstory, 'cause it's there.

Like if they look close enough,

they will see God's hand,and really God's providence.

He's done so much, andso many different things,

like me turning this bookin the day that she died,

which was just thisreminder to me that God

gets to decide when the book is opened,

and he gave me the gift,and he gets to decide

when to take that gift back to him,

and the same is true for them.

Like, she's written, my wifewrote books for tween girls,

so they'll never be at a loss for what--

- She spoke.- What she spoke about them,

what she spoke about God, whatshe spoke about our family,

our marriage.- Yeah.

- Our parenting, so just thatthey be hopeful about that,

and then also that theywould just be strong,

that they would justbe strong in the Lord,

and I'm already excited,'cause they really are

already strong in the Lord,and Wynter had the opportunity

to watch all of them givetheir lives to Christ,

and all of them be baptized,

so I'm glad that she got to see that.

- Yes.- And I'm excited to see them

walk that out for whateverpurpose God has for their lives.

- Yeah, I'm sure as theyunderstand the rich legacy

that they have thatthat will be a catalyst

to them in that journey.

What an amazing story you have,

and what humility andvulnerability you've shared it with

in the book Emptied.

It's all about how we canhave a fullness of marriage

and a poured out relationshipwith the one that we love,

so get a hold of it, it's available

wherever books are sold,and thank you so much.

It's wonderful to have you here.

- Thanks for having me.- God bless you.