- Really, I remember the exactmoment this girl walks in,

and then they said it waswith a group of girls,

but I only saw one and it was Lindsay.

She had, like, that radiance about her,

that light, and at 19 shewas diagnosed with cancer.

Outta nowhere.

It was caught early enough,

to where they were able to get rid of it,

21, two years later, it showed back up.

And, this time, it was more serious.

It required a biggersurgery, a hysterectomy,

and at that point in our relationship,

I had an engagement ringin my pocket, you know.

I asked her to marry me, we got engaged.

And, through the year of engagement,

she went through chemo.

We started a life.

Everything was good from there,

and we did adopt two children.

Cancer showed back up,really outta nowhere, again.

Some operators where very bold,

it was God heal her, fix this,

but it turned in to, quickly,a fight for her life.

I admit, looking in her eyes and saying,

"You've got this, stay here with me",

and fighting for her life, CPR,

crying out to God, "Please healher, please bring her back."

I found myself saying goodbye to my wife,

not by choice, feelingmy wife was leaving,

and yet it wasn't that she went to heaven.

Instead heaven literallycame down to get her.

Lindsay went home toheaven August 28th, 2015.

I walked outta thehospital, having no clue,

what my life would look like.

I had to deal with reality,

that my wife was no longer there,

someone who I known since I was 15.

And I'm in my thirties,dealing with a reality

that I never thought I would.

And so, the kids forced me todeal with what was going on,

there's no dancing around the topic,

they asked where mummy was.

They wanted to know whenshe was comin' back.

I'm sleeping on the couch,

because I don't wanna be in a bed

it's another reminderthat Lindsay's not here.

It was one of the hardestthings that month,

was picking up my phoneto text her outta habit.

Calling her phone outta habit

and stopping mid-dial or mid-ring,

and knowing that I would neverwill hear her voice again.

And God spoke to me, so clearly,

he said, "That connection that you desire,

with Lindsay, that youwant, you can have it,

but it's through me.

And what she's doing rightnow is worshiping me,

and why don't you try that?"

So, I look at that as apivotal point in my grief,

of saying, "God, I'm gonna trust you,

I'm gonna worship youand lift up your name

high above all the pain,

above all the hurt I'm going through."

And I said, "God, I'm ready.

Whatever you have for me.

I don't know the why, I don't get it,

I don't like it, but Irefuse to waste this pain

that I'm going through.

I refuse to allow this to be wasted,

or pushed to the side."

And, that's where Istarted moving forward.

God comforted me so much inwhat I was going through,

I was encouraged to comfort others.

I could actually speak to apain that I never knew before.

As Christians, we're headedhome, we're headed to heaven,

and our focus should not beoutward, it should be upward.

And, as we look up to what is coming,

and getting a glimpse ofthat, even my wife's death,

I realize the best is yetto come for all of us.

If we trust and believe in God.

(piano music)

- My life was so amazingwhen Patrick and I met.

He was my first boyfriend,I was his first girlfriend.

So we got married in 2011,

and we stood on the stagetogether and we said,

I promise to be faithfulthrough life's pleasures

and through life's pressures.

I will be faithful to you,until Christ calls me home.

In the fall of 2015,

we had three kids under the age of three

and life was crazy and busy,

but it was so fun, because Ifelt like I was living a dream.

He came home, and he alwaysdid daddy time with the boys,

and so he tucked themin to bed that night,

and would always sing thema song and pray over them.

I remember us prayingtogether and going to sleep.

He woke up the nextmorning, and he was like,

"You know, I'm not sleeping much anyways.

I'm just gonna go ahead andget ready early to go to work."

I said, "You look sohandsome in your suit,

and I hope you have agreat day. I love you."

And that's what I said, and he said,

"I love you too."

And he walked out the door.

I went to bible study,

and we were studying Revelationand prophecy at the time,

and just moments later my phone rang,

so I answered the unknown number,

and it was my husband'sboss on the other line.

And he said, "Hey, Patrick fell at work,

we're gonna send avehicle to come get you,

so you can come to the hospital."

I ran into a hallway, full of people,

with sorrow written all over their faces.

And they pulled me behind a curtain,

they sat me down on a chair,

and they said, "I'm so sorryBrittany, but Patrick died.

His heart just stopped beating."

Patrick went home to be with the Lord

on September 29th, 2015.

And, in that moment, at the age of 25,

with three little boysunder the age of three,

I became a widow.

And my entire world turned upside down.

We felt a sorrow that felt unending.

And it felt like my heart wasliterally breaking in two.

But, I also felt Jesusjust sitting with me,

and saying, "I feel yourpain. It's gonna be okay.

I'm gonna walk you through this."

I would come in my livingroom, and I just remember

falling flat on my faceand just crying out to God,

and saying, "God, I can't do this.

I cannot do this apart from you."

And he was so faithful to use his word,

to soothe my soul in away only he could do.

In those darkest moments of our lives,

sometimes can be the lightestmoments of our lives,

because God is so nearto the broken hearted.

And I remember how God would just,

as he says in scripture,

how he gives widow the songs in the night.

And God would give me a new song to sing,

and it doesn't matter

if you're in a place of utter brokenness,

and hurt like I was freshafter my husband's death,

or hearing him severalyears later out of it.

God is still the same sovereignGod over all situations.

- When I met Brittany for the first time,

one of the first questionsI had answered in my heart,

was, "Am I ready topursue somebody again?"

And I'm not just making a decision for me,

it's for my family.

And, when I saw Brittany, I saw a future.

And that was incredible,

and it was very just exciting.

- The Lord was so gracious,

because I think, inevery area of your life

after loss and pain, you'reso guarded with your heart.

Because you feel like yourheart has been trampled on.

So, the Lord made it so clear,

and then Daniel was sointentional with his pursuit,

leading us in the ways of God.

Yet, guarding our hearts in the process,

until God's timing made evidently clear

that we were gonna be a family.

- I brought Ethan and Aubrey with me,

and they would lovebeing around each other

so much that by the timethey left that weekend,

they were cryin' about leaving each other.

And so that was reallyencouraging for us moving forward.

- I remember one night,Peyton had been praying,

and they had been praying for a new daddy,

and I was thinking,

what in the world arey'all thinking about?

I said, "Well buddy,it's not just about us.

God's gotta bring the right person."

He said, "Well, I think I know someone."

I said, "You do?"

And he said, "What about Mister Daniel?

I think he would be a great daddy."

And I said, "Well, thatmeans that, you know,

Ethan and Aubrey..."

And he said, "Would bemy brother and sister,

and I would really like that, Mummy."

So, we got married on July 16th, 2017.

- [Daniel] And justcontinued on with the crazy,

and the wild, and thelove, and the beautiful

part of bringing kids together.

- After we announced our engagement

people started callin'us the Brooker bunch,

because we're a blended family,

and the last name is Brooker.

Our life is like a circus.

(laughs)

I feel like we're a travelling circus,

it's so crazy because wehave five small children,

abnormally close in age.

- Yeah, enjoying the firsts,creating these moments

that, you know, maybe I had as a child

or that they've wanted to do.

- [Brittany] So, for our family,

there's always a road of joyand sorrow that intermingle.

This is part of our story, and you know,

Patrick will always be part of my story,

and Lindsay will alwaysbe part of his story.

- I think, as you go through pain,

it's okay to admit it,it's okay to be real.

Because, until you addressit, it's not gonna heal.

God is not wasting your pain,

he is not wasting anythingyou're walking through,

he sees you and hecares, and he wants you,

he wants you to live alife that is full of joy.

Full of love, and passion, and pursuit.

And we have to make a decision,

that no matter what we walk through,

we have to trust and believe that

that is still waiting for us,

that that is still ahead.

- When you feel like your life is over,

and there is no hope ahead,

and you feel like you're drowning in pain,

just reach up to the hand thatis trying to pull you out,

which is Jesus.

So, if there's one thingI can encourage you with,

it's keep hoping even when it hurts.