- You know, it got tothe point I hated myself.

I looked in a mirror, I sawa junkie, I saw a convict.

I didn't see a good guy.

I saw nothing redeemable about me.

And if I don't see anythingredeemable about me,

then, you know, wheredo you go from there?

- [Narrator] David Stoeger helda deep and confusing secret

from his parents since early childhood,

that he'd been molested by his babysitter.

- I remember them reading a paper

about a kid that had been molested

and talking about how thatperson was nasty and disgusting

and I thought that theywere talking about the kid,

not the perpetrator, so Iput two and two together,

and I was this disgusting, nasty kid.

- [Narrator] He held his secret close,

and felt he deserved the painof his parents' later divorce,

and beatings from hisgrandfather who he moved in with.

- He would beat me andthen call into school

and say, "Hey, he's not gonnacome into school this week,

"he's gonna help me on the farm."

And wait for the bruises to heal up

before he'd let me go back to school.

That was kinda my punishment

for being this disgusting, nasty kid.

So I internalized it even more.

- [Narrator] The mentaleffects of the abuse

made it hard to relate with other kids.

David was often alone.

One night while out walking,he met a group of kids

and joined them as they smoked a joint.

- Probably the second or third time

that the joint wentaround was the first time

that I can say I ever felt like I fit in.

And it numbed me.

I wasn't thinking about my past.

The next night, I walked to the square,

I met the same groupof kids, and we drank.

If I drank enough or smoked enough,

then I couldn't feel the pain,

and I realized over timethat if I stayed numb,

not only did I not think about my past,

but nobody could hurt me now.

- [Narrator] In highschool, David's drug use

escalated from marijuana andalcohol to methamphetamine.

- I ended up droppin' outta high school

because school got in theway of my partying time,

and as my substance use progressed,

well, I ended up breakin'into sheds and garages

and stealing stuff and pawnin' it,

and ended up gettin'sentenced to prison at 20.

- [Narrator] After serving anear two-year prison sentence,

he learned how to cookand distribute meth.

Still using, David's lifeslid farther into darkness.

- I got to a point Ididn't care about my life.

I didn't care about anybody else's.

I didn't care if I hurt you.

My main focus was makin' money,

sleepin' with girls, and stayin' high.

That's all I really cared about.

Oh, it was all about my pleasure,

and if hurt somebody, Icould really care less.

When I died, I'd turn to dust,

so why did anything thatI do matter today anyway?

- [Narrator] Davidspent nearly two decades

addicted to meth.

He was an atheist and suicidal.

- I never saw myself escaping, you know.

I felt hopeless all the time.

I was depressed all the time.

My entire life, I felt like everything

that had been done to meand everything I'd done,

I walked around with that on my shoulders.

And it gets really heavy after a while.

You don't, you're not in a drug world

for as long as I am withoutdoin' negative things.

- [Narrator] He tried to quit meth

and began drinking heavily.

Then, he met a couple whoinvited him to church.

After several weeks, he joined them.

- I liked to make fun of Christians,

and try to make myself feelintellectually superior,

and that's kind of the person I was.

And these people kinda hung on me anyway,

and they loved me whenI didn't love myself,

and they cared about me whenI didn't care about myself.

- [Narrator] He continued going to church,

but felt powerless to stop drinking.

Then one day, while on his way to a party

where he planned on getting drunk,

he heard a Christian song onthe radio that spoke to him.

- The first words out of the speaker were,

"I wish you could see me now,

"I wish I could show youhow I'm not who I was."

And when those words came out,

I heard a voice I'd never heard before

and it said, "Go home, you got this."

And, uh, I thought aboutit, and I pulled over

to the side of the roadand I sat there and cried

for probably five, 10 minutes,

and when I could see again, Iturned around and I went home.

- [Narrator] Desperate for change,

he set up a meeting withJames, a pastor at the church.

- I'd given up, I'vetried everything else.

At this time, I'd been to treatments

more times than I can count on one hand.

I've taken medication,

I've seen psychiatrists,psychologists, and he's like,

"Do you believe thatJesus died for your sins?"

And that thought of nothaving to walk around

with all of my transgressions,

with not having tocontinue to beat myself up

for all the things people had done to me.

I mean, it did, it reduced me to tears

when I was talkin' to James.

- [Narrator] David surrenderedhis life to Jesus that day.

He says everything changed.

- And I felt like aweight had been lifted.

All those things that I had onmy shoulders that whole time,

I mean, it just kinda feltlike they disappeared.

And it was nice to actually have hope

that there was more than just this life

and that hope gave me a whole new outlook.

- [Narrator] He was immediatelyset free from drugs,

alcohol, and a broken view of himself.

- Christ took all of that from me.

You know, that whole, Ilike the words tabula rasa.

You know, it means blank slate,

and I liked the fact that I'd thought

that my life had already been written

and now I have a cleanslate to start over with.

- [Narrator] He went back to school

and earned a Master'sdegree in Social Work.

He is now a therapist, extending hope

to those trapped in addiction.

The wounds of his past have healed

as he found his identity in Christ.

- He's allowed me to see myself

as something other thana convict and a junkie.

I'm made in God's image.

I'm able to look at myself andnot see just a piece of junk

which is what I'vealways saw my whole life.

I'm able to wake up in themorning with a smile on my face

and I'm able to be proudof the person I am today,

and I'm able to give hope to other people,

and without Christ in mylife, none of that happens.