'I Wasn't Given the Spirit of Fear': How American Idol Jasmine Murray Overcame Panic Attacks
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♪ I wake up ♪
♪ I feel it ♪
♪ Those fears are back again ♪
♪ Can't shake 'em ♪
♪ Can't make 'em ♪
♪ Ever fade, ever end ♪
- So you complete on American Idol.
You complete in the Miss AmericaPageant, do well on both,
and then I learn from your song
that you struggle withanxiety, I'm like how?
♪ Everything I've been fighting against ♪
♪ I'm gonna lift it up ♪
- I can remember growing up and it wasn't
heavy anxiety growing up, it was just
I used to worry a lot here and there
and then it started to reallyheighten the last few years
to where I was actuallyhaving panic attacks
and just feeling like I was kind of
shutting myself out from people,
and I was just starting tonotice a difference in myself.
So, you know, with all of those different
experiences and opportunities,
I've always felt reallycomfortable on stage.
I just love to sing.
I love music and that's my passion.
So I feel like that's whereI really like come alive
and feel like fearless.
- So literally you are driving to go to a
song writing session andare crippled with anxiety
and a panic attack.
♪ I want to be fearless ♪
♪ No holding back ♪
♪ No backing down ♪
♪ Fearless ♪
- I'm on my way to my session
and I had no idea what Iwas going to write that day,
but I knew who I was writing with
and I was kind of rushing that morning
and I just remember having a panic attack.
I'm almost there, I was almost there
and literally just started to feel like
I couldn't breath andmy stomach was hurting
and just feeling totally out of control.
And so, it was really really scary
because that was kindof the beginning of me
going through this anxiety stuff
and the panic attacks and everything.
So, I really didn't understand it fully
and hadn't shared withwith a lot of people.
So, I was like oh my gosh,let me get myself together.
And, I did.
I walked into the sessions and, you know,
one of the producers was like
what do you want to write about today?
And so I'm like I kind ofwant to write about fear.
Like, I knew it was something on my heart
because it was heavy in mylife right at that moment
and they just started praying for me
and lifted my up with scripture.
And, we ended up writingFearless that day.
And so, it's just a declaration for me
and so many other people, I believe,
who struggle with anxietyor fear of whatever it is,
to know they don't have tobe chained to this struggle,
and to know they are not alone,
that they're not the onlyones going through it,
but God doesn't want us tolive our lives that way.
He wants us to live bold and unafriad.
- That's beautiful.
Now, you've got an entire new project,
of course the world is enjoying Fearless,
but those of us who follow you,
how would you describe this project?
- So this is my first album and honestly,
the last two and half years,since I moved to Nashville,
we have just been writingconstantly, as much as possible.
So, I feel like the Lord just gave me
so many different subjects to talk about.
He gave me so many different testimonies
from my personal experience,from people in the room
I was writing with thatjust poured into these songs
and into these sessions.
So, a lot of hard work has gone into it,
but a lot of, I feel like,hearts have gone into it.
And so, my heart is in this album.
You know, from Fearless to Who You Love,
all of these songs arevery vulnerable for me
because I talk about mystruggles with anxiety.
I talk about giving control to God
and just surrendering that to him
because sometimes ashumans we like to do things
our way and we think that we can,
and God is saying "No,that is not how life goes,
I'm in control."
- If you could talk tothe younger Jasmine,
what would you tell her about the journey?
What advice would you give her?
- You know I think I would tell her
that you are enough.
Because, I know for a fact
that's something I've struggled with,
just self worth and understanding
where my worth comes from.
It's from God.
You know, it's not fromanything that I can do or say
or anything, it's from Him.
He paid a price for all of us.
So, I think I wouldtell her you are enough,
that you don't have tostrive to be anything
other than who you already are.
Which is, a daughter of the King,
and you are a servant for God.
And so, to just rest in that
and to live your life knowing that,
and not to try to beanything other than that.
♪ No other love ♪
♪ No other love ♪