Well, joining us now to talk about fear

is someone who has gone through it, Kelly Balarie.

And Kelly, thanks for being with us.

Thank you for having me, Gordon.

Tell me about your story.

I mean, you've battled through a whole lot, from--

I guess a lot of people are afraid,

what happens if I lose my job.

You went through that.

Yes.

You went through an eating disorder.

You went through major illness.

All the things that, in the back of our minds, oh no,

what if this were to happen to me.

How did you get through that?

I've spent my life trembling.

And I have feared life from the moment I woke up

to the minute I went to bed, and I

couldn't get the endless cycle of fear out of my head.

But I've had to learn.

I have gone to the Father and just said, God, I cannot.

You know, when I had an eating disorder,

I spent my life trying to please everyone, and I pleased no one.

And I would run and run and run until my body was

so frail and so thin that I couldn't even

sleep at night without the bones hurting me.

And so one day, I was running and I just

felt like something came over me.

And I just had to stop.

And I started crying and I just said, I can't do this anymore.

I can't do this anymore.

I can't manage everything.

I can't control my life.

I can't change things.

I can't help myself.

God, what am I gonna do?

And there are some times, there's

some moments in life I think where we just come face-to-face

with are we either gonna go forward in fear, or are we

gonna turn and face God in faith.

And that's the point that I got to in that moment.

Did you ever get to an understanding

of how it started in you?

Was there a point of origin for you?

I often think back to myself as a little girl.

And you know, there was these moments-- probably

you can think of them, too, Gordon, when you were a kid,

and you were like-- you know, you were just free.

I would go in my backyard and zig

and zag everywhere, and just, like, sing these crazy tunes

and swirl and just love life.

And I didn't care what people thought.

I'd sing to the birds.

I felt like God was watching me.

And it was these wonderful moments.

He was.

Right?

But then somehow, life gets attached to you,

and people start to make comments.

Like, oh, Kelly, you're not really that pretty

when you do that, or you look stupid when you plie,

or you need to be smart.

And somehow, these moments that you have in life,

that I have in life, or maybe it was at school, or just

situations with people I loved, they

would speak things into me that would injure me.

And suddenly, I realized who I am is not good enough.

I'm actually afraid of me, because I'm gonna get hurt.

I'm gonna get hurt if I'm me.

I'm gonna get hurt if I'm that free, flowing, creative girl

who just wants to kind of dance in the wind.

People aren't gonna like that.

And so we attach onto us all these different fears,

and we live as someone that God didn't create us to be.

OK.

For you, what was your biggest fear?

The one that, if it came up, would really grip your heart?

I think it would be that people won't love me,

that I'm not likable, you know, that I could sit here with you

and you'd be thinking in the back of your head,

oh, look at her, she thinks she's all that,

or she's not really smart, or she really

doesn't have good ideas to share on fear.

And I just constantly would be meeting people and going

through life and wondering what their internal dialogue was

about me.

And then if you wanted me to be smart,

oh, I'd be like, oh, I'm the smartest little thing.

Or if you wanted me to be outgoing, I'd be like,

hey, Gordon, you know, and I'd give you

what you needed, until it got to the point

where I didn't even know who I was anymore.

I'm like, who am I?

Who did God make me to be?

And I felt so frustrated at myself.

I hated myself.

I thought, I'm not worthy of anything because I'm stupid.

I don't know who I am.

Did you find that that fear actually created--

it was like a self-fulfilling prophecy,

that you would think people were thinking bad things,

and that it would actually start that process?

Yeah, I was so trembly.

I was always trembling that I could never

walk into God's callings.

I was always just so caught up in my own self-dialogue,

in my own mind with worry, comparison, and jealousy

that all I could see was me, myself, and I.

And so God might have had this great plan before me,

but because I was looking left and right off the plan,

I couldn't walk down his path.

I wasn't keeping my eyes on him, so I couldn't follow him.

You know, we're Christ followers,

but we really can't follow Christ well

when we're looking left and right.

It's like Peter on the water, right?

Right.

You're looking at the wind and the waves,

you're not looking at him.

Yeah.

I think you've hit a chord with a lot of people watching

right now.

And let's get into the book, "Fear

Fighting: Awakening Courage to Overcome Your Fears."

For you, what was that first step to say, this is torment?

That's how the Bible calls it.

Fear is torment.

And so you're being tormented.

What was the first step out of that?

The first step when I wrote this book,

I think I just got to the point of acknowledging I

am so afraid.

You know, I went and had a birthday dinner

with my husband.

And he looked at me and he-- he said

this in the most loving way, in the most loving way.

He said, Kelly, I love you so much,

but I've seen you try and fail, try and do

these different companies or these different ideas.

And what are you gonna do with your life?

What are you gonna do?

Like, what are you gonna do for God?

And I just sat there so disappointed, in a way,

with myself.

But I realized it was a wake-up call.

It was like, I'm fearing--

I'm so afraid I'm gonna fail, I'm

so afraid I'm not gonna do anything good, I'm

so afraid I'm not gonna be enough that I'm doing nothing,

that I'm giving up before I even start.

And so I think I had to realize in that moment

that I needed help.

And that's the first step, just to say, God, I need your help.

Help me, Lord.

Come, Lord Jesus.

Show me your way.

I don't have the way.

Show me your way.

And so that's what this book became.

It was my personal desperation call to God where I said,

God, I don't know, but I know you know.

And that's all I need to know.

[LAUGHTER]

All right, what did he show you to do?

He showed you to write the book, but then what else?

So many times in the word of God,

our great and glorious word of God, he will tell us,

do not fear.

But then many times, he follows that up by saying, for God,

I go with you.

And I think the first step is knowing that we aren't alone

in our little silos or in our torture chambers of fear.

There is a Lord who reaches out his hand to us and says,

I want to hold your hand.

I want to go through this life with you.

And so I just took-- this is how I wrote the book.

I said, God, I welcome you in.

Right now, I want this to be our journey.

If nobody else benefits from this book,

Lord, work in my heart and free me, Lord.

And so he just was so faithful through prayer

and through diving into his words

and just meeting different people who

had similar stories like mine.

He led me down this path of just almost enlightening my mind,

bringing to mind, just helping illuminate

what his truth was so that I could really live fearless.

We haven't talked about this, but I'm

gonna launch out into something, and I hope you go with me.

OK.

Would you be willing to pray for people right now who

are suffering with fear?

Oh, yes.

And ask that God--

what he did for you, that he would do for them.

Oh, I so love that.

I am so all over that.

Let's do it.

Yes.

Just look into that camera and pray.

Dear Lord God, I know right now

there are brothers and sisters in Christ,

Lord, who are struggling, God.

There is anxiety that weighs heavy, Lord.

It is pressing down so hard that it

feels like people can't get up off of their couches

or off of their beds in the morning time.

Lord, I ask you right now, in the name of Jesus,

to lift this burden of fear off of my brothers

and sisters, Lord, so that they can

walk into your glorious callings, Lord.

They have not been given a spirit of fear and timidity,

but of power, love, and a sound mind.

I declare that over them right now

in the name of Jesus, Lord, who you have set free

is free indeed, Lord.

May they step into who they are, God.

Jesus has overcome.

His blood has overcome, Lord.

And as Christians, we are free.

And for those who do not yet know you,

Jesus, I pray right now they get down on their knees

and welcome you in, Lord, because you will also

set them free, God.

We trust you.

We thank you.

In Jesus's mighty name, we pray.

Amen.

Amen.

Well, the book is called "Fear Fighting: Awakening Courage

to Overcome Your Fears."

Kelly, thank you for being here with us.

Thank you for having me.

It's a delight.

All right.