Proverbs 31 Ministries President, Lysa Terkeurst shares her personal experience with rejection and explains the truth of the pain behind it.
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
Lysa TerKerust has
written bestselling books,
she's made dozens
of TV appearances,
and she's been a featured
speaker at countless events.
Even though she's had
a successful career,
Lysa has been
haunted by something
else-- a stain of rejection.
NARRATOR: Lysa TerKerust
was a little girl
when her father drove away in
his car and never came back.
That rejection was something she
would deal with for many years.
Rejection.
It isn't just a
complicated emotion.
It's an utter devastation
of what we thought
was real, and safe, and secure.
NARRATOR: In her
book, "Uninvited",
Lysa shares how she dealt
with the devastation,
and offers advice on moving
past the setbacks in our lives.
Lysa joins us now with
the rest of that story.
Lysa, welcome back
to "The 700 Club".
Thank you.
It's always so fun to
be with you, Terry.
It's great to have you.
And your books are
always so soul searching.
You really invite us to go to
a deeper place with the Lord.
And this one, I think,
maybe more than anything
that you've done
before, really speaks
into a place of unhealed
scenarios in our lives.
So we can't receive everything
God wants to give us
as long as we live that way.
Let's talk about your
dad leaving, if you will.
Because you say in the
book that really even
before he made that exit,
you were already crying
in your heart-- Daddy don't go.
Why?
I think because
so much of my fear,
and I think a lot of what
feeds this fear of rejection,
is the loss of our
identity and abandonment.
Those are two core
things that I think
my dad leaving tapped into
both of those at the same time.
Fear of him abandoning
me, but then also
fear of losing my identity.
I wanted to be his
treasured little girl.
And when I wasn't, it opened
up a world of insecurity for me
that was very, very
hard to deal with.
I wrote in the book,
"rejection steals
the best of who I am by
reminding me the worst that's
been said to me."
And I think I've lived in
that place for a long time.
Haunted by lies.
And maybe they were some
things that my dad said,
but then also the enemy
takes those lies and does
such a number with us.
It's his specialty.
Really.
I mean he waits for us
to have those wounded
places on our
hearts, and then he
comes in and starts digging
deeper and deeper with lies
about things.
Sometimes the rejection
is a perceived thing,
not even necessarily a reality.
That's right.
In "Uninvited," there's a
whole chapter I wrote called,
"There's a woman at
the gym who hates me."
[LAUGHTER]
I think I know her.
[LAUGHTER]
My husband snapped a picture
of her the other day the gym
and sent it to me
and said, does she
have any idea
she's in your book?
And I'm like, no,
don't tell her!
[LAUGHTER]
But the reality is,
I dealt with this
like this whole long season.
I had all these dialogues in my
head of how much she hated me.
And then one day she came out
of the bathroom at the gym,
and she smiled.
And it wasn't like, I'm about to
whip your tail on the gym floor
smile.
It wasn't that.
It was totally genuinely like,
hey I've you here before.
And all of a sudden
I realized I've
been assigning thoughts to her.
I've been assigning
a rejection to her.
That she never
ever had toward me.
And so here's what I
think that Satan does.
Whether it's real rejection,
like the deep hurts
from our past-- because
we're all either dealing
with a past rejection, trying
to heal from the present day
rejection, or fearing
an unexpected rejection
is right around the corner.
And this is what Satan does.
He takes the line of rejection
that maybe somebody spoke
or that we perceived, and
that line, or that statement,
turns into a lie.
And that lie Satan
loves to scheme
and let it turn into a label.
Where it's no longer
like, they didn't want me.
It's suddenly the lie that
we believe, I'm not worthy.
Exactly.
And then that lie
turns into a liability
in all future relationships.
You say that
rejection is actually
more painful than death.
Why?
Well, I say that if you
lose a loved one to death,
it is excruciatingly painful.
But part of what makes it so
painful is that neither of you
wanted that separation, right?
But with rejection,
if someone rejects me
that I deeply love-- they
just walk out of my life--
I do believe in that case it's
more painful than them dying
because I want them in my life.
But they have freely
chosen to walk away.
And worse yet, they
may even be happy
that that separation exists.
And that's
excruciatingly painful.
You say that there
are some things
that we need to remember
when we're feeling rejected,
or embracing the concept
that we have been.
Well, there's three things
that I have had to wrestle well.
And again, Terry,
I wrote this book
because I desperately needed it.
And I write about
what I struggle with.
And as I was wrestling with
this topic, even saying to God,
I don't want to write
about rejection,
this is no fun at all.
And so these were the three
things I had to wrestle with.
One, is God good?
Because sometimes when
you're in a season of feeling
rejected, whether it's a big
rejection or even an every day
rejection-- hop on social media
and three of your best friends
went out to dinner last night
and they didn't invite you.
So then it's like I feel
left out, I feel less than,
I feel lonely, right?
So, whether we're dealing with
a big rejection or an every day
rejection, I have to
wrestle, well is God good?
Even when my circumstances
are not good.
Is God good?
So I had to answer
that yes, God is good.
And then the next one.
Is God good to me?
And I have to trace God's
hand of faithfulness
of all the many times
he's been faithful
so that I can remind myself
people can reject me,
but God never does.
So is God good to me?
And the last question is
the most important I think.
Is God good at being God?
Because if he is,
then I can trust him.
[INAUDIBLE]
That's right.
You know, I think we
skim over scripture
so often when we read it, but
as I'm listening to you give
these three areas that
we need to examine,
I think of the
scripture that says,
take every thought captive.
Because my mind is
often my worst enemy.
Because I buy the lie.
I let the lie fester.
I live out of that place
that it's in there.
But I have to choose the things
that you're talking about.
I have to consciously
say-- I have
to consciously ponder an
answer, and then say, now what?
So what's the now what?
Okay so here's the
reality about me.
I mean I am an
introvert forced to live
the life of an extrovert.
So, it's painful sometimes for
me to walk into a situation,
especially where there's
a whole bunch of people
that I don't know.
I think people assume
that the spotlight fixes
your insecurities,
and it does not.
The spotlight exposes
your insecurities.
And so what I thought would
fix me, never has fixed me.
It's only exacerbated my issues,
for sure, and exposed them.
So I have to make the choice.
I have to walk into a room
and decide, OK God is good.
God is good to me.
God is good at being God.
Therefore I can live loved,
and live deeply assured.
But I have the choice
when I walk into a room,
I can either let my insecurities
and my fear of rejection
be the first thing that
walks in that room,
or I can let the reality that
I am a treasured, dearly loved
child of God, walk in the room.
And here's how that
changes everything.
If I walk in with the
fullness of God's love, which
is a complete choice for
me-- it's not a feeling,
it's a choice that I'm making.
Then my neediness will
not become greediness.
Because when I walk in needy,
I'm so focused on myself.
I can't even think about
the needs of other people.
But if I walk in carrying
the abundant love of God,
I'm freed up to see the
needs of other people.
And then I can live
loved because I'm
more eager to give love
than expecting and hoping
others to give me love.
One of the great underlying
messages of everything
that Lysa has just
shared with us
and that she shares
in the book, is
none of that's dependent on
the other person, or persons,
responding the way
you'd like them to.
It all happens in here
between you and Jesus.
You can hear more from Lysa by
going to facebook.com/700club.
Earlier she sat down with
a few of our producers
for a Facebook Live interview.
We don't want you to miss that.
And don't forget,
Lysa's book is called
"Uninvited," which is
available in stores nationwide.
Great to have you here again.
Thank you, Terry.
You always bring a great word.