ANGELA: As a child, I would think of my parents,

and I would feel very alone.

There was a deep longing to be part of my family.

I would wonder why I had to be born.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

My father was already married when he began seeing my mother.

They had a relationship which culminated in my birth.

My father chose not to have any contact with me.

My mother was relatively young, and she gave me

to my great auntie.

But a mother also had other children that she kept.

And so I grew up being told I was unacceptable.

I would ask questions.

I would wonder why I never saw them.

No calls, no birthday cards.

Why did my parents not want me?

My great aunt that raised me, she would reinforce

that sense of rejection by telling me things like,

children like you whose parents aren't married, they call them

bastards.

It made me feel ashamed.

I mean, if your own parents don't seem to love you,

why would you feel lovable by anybody else?

My father, I met him literally only one time in my life.

It wasn't like you see in the movies,

where people finally find their parents,

and rush into their long lost mother or father's arms.

It wasn't like that for me.

He was a stranger to me.

I so much wanted a relationship with my dad,

but I just knew better than to expect anything.

I just couldn't.

I remember as a little girl, singing, Jesus loves me,

this I know.

I would wonder if he loved everybody,

why he let me be born into that situation.

Why someone who supposedly loved me enough to die for me

didn't even love me enough to give me a family.

There was a church that met in my neighborhood.

I was able to walk to it.

I didn't even realize I was supposed to read the Bible.

I just thought I was supposed to show up to church,

and hear a message, and go home.

I learned that you were a sinner,

and you needed forgiveness.

The church, for me it was rules without love.

I just said, forget it.

I was angry with God.

I don't believe God really loved me, and I just walked away.

I just hoped to find happiness.

I actually wound up joining the military,

and got married young.

It only lasted a couple years.

I was all in, and he was not.

Then I met my second husband.

He was emotionally abusive.

He mocked the fact that I wasn't wanted by my parents.

That was very heartbreaking and shameful to me.

You're depending on them to love you.

I wanted to know that I was wanted, and it never happened.

It was a Tuesday, September the 11th, 2001.

I remember it being a beautiful day.

I was working for the federal government.

I remember passing by a TV monitor,

and people were standing around it staring at it.

So I stopped and looked at it.

There was all this chaos in New York.

One of the Twin Towers being on fire.

There was the announcements over the PA system.

Something was happening in Washington, DC.

The Pentagon had been hit.

You could see the smoke from the Pentagon.

Everybody's freaking out.

People don't know what's happening.

They don't know why it's happening.

The fear in the air-- I have never felt

fear like that in my life.

I drove home, parked my car, ran into the house,

and the first thing I did was turn on the TV.

By that time, there was coverage of people jumping out

of the Twin Towers.

And I was sitting there stunned.

At that moment, I just-- I wanted God to exist so much.

God, please be there.

I hope you're there.

I was very afraid because if there is not a God,

there is no hope.

Fear became the overriding emotion.

The next thing I knew was, you've

got to get back to church.

You've got to get back to church.

That Sunday, I walked through that door.

And from that day forward, it was full steam

ahead with me and God.

That church, they presented God to me in a way

that I had never experienced Him before.

I finally was told, read your Bible.

Read it every day.

That's where you meet Jesus.

Who knew?

I didn't know.

I remember reading in Jeremiah, where God told Israel,

"I have loved you with an everlasting love."

And just that phrase melted me.

He became more of a person, a person with my emotions,

and my feelings.

Someone who understands me.

I wanted God.

I wanted him totally.

Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, I was ready.

I said, I want you to love me with an everlasting love.

Finally I had a father.

And not just a father, but the perfect father.

It was freedom for me.

Freedom from rejection.

Freedom from lack of self-esteem.

Freedom from fear of being lonely.

He helped me to understand, I've always been your father.

You had to go through what you had

to go through to get to the place where you are now.

But I was always your father.

And so I forgive my earthly father,

and I receive the love of my Heavenly Father.

I am settled in my soul.

I am content and at peace.

I was welcomed into the arms of Jesus.

I was welcomed into the arms of my father.

He is my home.

I am lovable.