I was raised in a church.

My mother was the youth pastor.

Everything was going great.

Well, then I rebelled, and then I started doing drugs.

I started drinking.

I started spending the night out just partying.

I was 16 when I got pregnant with my son.

I'd stopped doing drugs, smoking cigarettes, and everything

when I was pregnant.

But then right after he was born, then I started again.

By the time I was 18, I was full time stripping.

I had met Sam at Daytona Bike Week.

And I was just like falling in love

with this guy sitting dealing the drugs

in the back of this van.

Wasn't even a week maybe, he showed up

to where I was dancing.

And so we began to talk.

We went on this cocaine and acid trip

for about a week, got to know each other.

And we were together ever since.

Sam and I were at a bar, and we were drinking.

And it was-- we were so drunk.

And a bar fight started.

So anyway, to make a long story short, I got taken to jail.

And because I had a prior record,

I was facing an automatic 10 years in prison

for having a gun.

And it was like, I can't live like this.

I don't want to go to prison.

So I went to my room, and I began to pray.

And I said God, if you're the God that my mom has taught

me about, get me out of this.

And I'll serve you the rest of my life.

They let me go with two years probation and a fine.

And I was like, you're real.

Because even the attorney and everyone was saying

this never happens.

This never happens.

And it was like, God did it.

And so I kept my word.

A deal's a deal.

My life didn't change right away after I

gave my heart to the Lord.

Everybody thinks that when you first

come to Jesus everything's going to be hunky dory.

Then there's the sanctification time, which took me a while.

I was still drinking, still doing things.

But I gave my heart to the Lord.

I got to get rid of these things, but I didn't know how.

I started going to church, and I realized things had to change.

So I slowly stopped doing them.

It wasn't easy, because Sam was still partying.

Our friends were still partying.

And everything around us was still going on.

But I knew in my heart I had to change.

And then I met Connie.

It was just like you were glued to her,

because she was glowing.

And I would kneel down beside her just to hear her pray.

It was like she was in the presence of God.

She was there.

And it was like, I want it.

I want what she has.

And I'm going after it.

As things kept getting worse and worse at home,

Sam would get to where he'd pinned me up against the wall.

He would be screaming at me.

He was angry that I was serving God.

I would just say, no, I'm changing.

And that's when Connie just kept teaching me

how to go further with God.

Give Sam to God.

Give Sam to God.

What does that mean?

Stay on your face before God.

Get in the word of God.

Stand on the word of God.

We were having a camp meeting over at the assemblies.

And there was this missionary there.

And I kept saying Sam, please come to church.

Please come to church.

You've got to hear this man.

So finally he agreed.

He got sick of me nagging, go to church with me.

And he did.

And God was just all over him.

And God just ministered to Sam through this missionary.

And this missionary told him, you're going to Africa.

I think it was two years later, he ended up going to Africa.

Sam was rescuing children of war and bringing them.

And we built an orphanage there.

And the children come there, and we were taking

care of the children there.

He built the orphanage with a mosquito net and a Bible

on one side, the gun on the other side.

And that's where he got the nickname started,

The Machine Gun Preacher.

Then we built the church in 2001.

So I was pastoring the church and taking care of it

while Sam was in Africa.

Then in 2004 is when I get a phone call.

And that's when they told me that my son had passed away.

Everything changed for me.

Sam left me at the casket to go to Africa.

And I kept saying, God where are you?

I couldn't feel him.

I couldn't find him.

For like two years, I was just blank.

And it was the worst part of my whole walk with God.

Yeah, a lot of people were angry that Sam left me at the casket

at that rough time.

But people don't understand there was

a war going on at that time.

That's when the children were really being tortured,

and a lot of bad things.

Sam had to go back.

He had to, because they were living.

They needed him.

My son had just passed away, and what more could he do?

And I learned to lean on God in my darkest hour.

And I needed God more than I did Sam.

I still pastored the church through all of that.

It was hard to get out there and say God's still God.

Hang in there.

And in the background I'm thinking, where are you?

I was home schooling my daughter.

Sam had brought two of the children

from Africa, Walter and Angela.

So I had them.

And they were foreclosing on the house.

They were shutting my lights off.

They repossessed my truck, in the midst

of all of that two years.

I did a lot of crying, did a lot of praying.

But I had to learn to do that on my own.

I had to learn to go on my face before God

and say, God, I'm broken.

I'm a million pieces.

I can't hold this together.

I can't hold the church together.

I can't-- I can't do this.

And that's when you realize he's your strength.

He's your joy.

He's your protector.

Because I got my truck back.

They didn't foreclose on my home.

I threw the bills on the bar.

I said, you said you were the one that would take care of me.

Then handle it.

And then that's when I got a knock at the door.

And the man showed up and gave me a check saying,

I drove here all night.

God said you needed this now.

It was exactly enough money to pay everything.

I went to open the refrigerator, and the Holy Spirit spoke to me

And he said, I'm still here.

I shut the refrigerator door, and I

said, where have you been?

Why would you leave me?

And then that's when I learned God's not a feeling.

He was always there.

It's walking by faith.

It's walking and standing firm on what you believe no matter

how you feel.

And it changed my life, because I

had been through so many trials since then.

And I can hold myself up and say it don't matter.

God's still God.

God's still here.

I don't feel him, but I know he's here.

Because his word says I will never leave you

nor forsake you.