IF MY CHILD DIED, I WOULD

WANT TO CRY MY EYES OUT.

I DON'T THINK I WOULD.

SOCIO PATHS DON'T FORM

NORMAL ATTACHMENTS TO OTHER

PEOPLE.

THEY LACK EMPATHY.

WHEN THEY SEE A PERSON

SUFFERING, THEY DON'T FEEL

BAD OVER IT.

I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL BIOLOGY

WHEN EVOLUTIONARY THEORY WAS

LAID OUT FOR US.

AND THEY DISCOVER NEW

TRAITS, AND THOSE EVENTUALLY

TAKE OVER.

I HAD FIGURED WHERE I HAD

REACHED A HIGHER STATE OF

HUMANITY, WHEN I WASN'T HELD

BACK BY EMOTIONS, THE WAY

OTHER PEOPLE WERE.

I CAME TO REGARD ALL OF

THESE LITTLE RULES THAT

PEOPLE TELL YOU TO FOLLOW AS

KIND OF BRAINWASHING ME.

BREAKING INTO PLACES, AND

BREAKING INTO THE SCHOOL OR

STEALING THINGS, I FELT LIKE

I WAS STRIPPING AWAY THESE

LAYERS OF RULES THAT PEOPLE

HAD BEEN IMPOSING ON ME MY

ENTIRE LIFE.

AND IT WAS AN AMAZING

FEELING.

AND IF I REALLY WANTED TO

SORT OF BE FREE OF

EVERYTHING I HAD BEEN

BRAINWASHED INTO THINKING

ABOUT, RIGHT AND WRONG, AND

I DECIDED TO KILL MY DAD.

AND I DECIDED TO DO IT IN A

BRUTAL FASHION.

NOT A GUNSHOT OR ANYTHING; I

WAS GOING TO DO IT WITH A

HAMMER.

WHEN I WALKED UP TO MY DAD,

I'VE GOT A HAMMER EN MY

HAND, AND I HIT HIM IN THE

HEAD SEVEN OR EIGHT TIMES

WITH A BALLPINE HAMMER AND I

JUST LEFT.

ONE OF HIS FRIENDS, JIM,

FOUND HIM, COVERED IN BLOOD,

AND TOOK HIM TO THE

HOSPITAL.

AND I TOLD MY MOM, I MAY

HAVE DONE THIS.

INSTEAD OF TAKING ME TO THE

POLICE OR ANYTHING, SHE TOOK

ME TO A PSYCHIATRIC

HOSPITAL.

THEY MADE A REPORT BASED ON

THE TIME I WAS THERE, AND IT

SAID ANTI-SOCIAL DISORDER.

AND EVENTUALLY VIRGINIA HAD

THEM REMOVE ME FROM THE

PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL AND

TAKE ME TO JAIL.

SINCE MY DAD SURVIVED, I WAS

CONVICTED OF MALICIOUS

WOUNDING.

I WAS SENTENCED TO 10 YEARS

IN PRISON.

THERE WAS A CHRISTIAN NAMED

RANDY.

AND HE WAS A BIT DIFFERENT

FROM EVERYONE ELSE.

AND ONE DAY HE WAS READING

HIS BIBLE, AND I WALKED UP

TO HIM AND I SAID, HEY, YOU

KNOW WHY YOU'RE READING YOUR

BIBLE?

YOU'RE READING YOUR BIBLE

BECAUSE YOU WERE BORN IN THE

UNITED STATES.

IF YOU WERE BORN IN CHINA,

YOU'D BE A BUDDHIST.

IF YOU WERE BORN IN SAUDI

ARABIA, YOU WOULD BE A

MUSLIM.

BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

BELIEVE WHAT YOU'RE TAUGHT

TO BELIEVE.

I STARTED ARGUING WITH HIM,

AND HE STARTED TEARING ME TO

PIECES.

IT WAS VERY DIFFERENT THAN

OTHER CHRISTIANS I ARGUED

WITH IN THE PAST.

I ENDED UP, FOR A SERIES OF

MONTHS, IN ARGUMENTS ABOUT

CHRISTIANITY VERSUS MY POINT

OF VIEW.

RANDY WAS WINNING THE

ARGUMENTS WE WOULD GET

INTO.

I'M NOT GOING TO BEAT HIM

THIS WAY.

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO REALLY

LEARN THE BIBLE SO I CAN

RESPOND TO HIM.

I REGARDED THAT AS MY

WEAKNESS.

I HAVE TO SAY I WAS

IMPRESSED WITH JESUS.

I WENT TO THINKING I'M THE

BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TO

THINKING I'M THE WORST

PERSON IN THE WORLD.

THE QUESTION CAME UP EITHER

I'M STUCK LIKE THIS, OR

THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE

WHO CAN DEAL WITH THIS.

WHO, OUT OF ANYONE, HAD THE

ABILITY TO CHANGE, RADICALLY

CHANGE, SINCERELY MESSED UP

PEOPLE?

IT'S JESUS OR IT'S NOTHING.

IT'S JESUS OR THERE IS JUST

NO HOPE.

I BOWED DOWN AND I PRAYED,

AND I SAID, GOD, I DON'T

KNOW IF I'M GOING TO BELIEVE

IN YOU TOMORROW, BUT I

BELIEVE IN YOU RIGHT NOW.

IF YOU CAN DO ANYTHING WITH

ME, YOU'RE WELCOME TO IT.

AND I RAN THROUGH THE SORT

OF SINNER'S PRAYER THAT I

HEARD THERE IN THE JAIL.

WHEN I SAT UP, THE WHOLE

WORLD LOOKED DIFFERENT.

IT LOOKED LIKE I WAS IN A

DIFFERENT PLACE, LIKE

EVERYTHING WAS A DIFFERENT

COLOR.

AND I DIDN'T KNOW IF THIS

WAS, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING

WEIRD GOING ON, BUT IT WAS I

DIDN'T WANT TO HURT ANYONE

AT THAT POINT.

AND IT WAS AN AMAZING CALM.

I FELT LIKE I HAD BEEN

PHYSICALLY, NON-STOP

BRAWLING ALL MY LIFE, AND

THEN I FINALLY COULD JUST

SIT DOWN AND REST.

WHILE I WAS IN PRISON, I

THOUGHT IT WOULD BE BAD TO

ACTUALLY CONFESS BECAUSE MY

DAD, AGAIN, HAD NO

RECOLLECTION.

I'M A CHRISTIAN NOW, I CAN'T

SPEND MY ENTIRE LIFE SAYING

I HADN'T DONE SOMETHING I

HAD DONE.

I'M GOING TO WRITE A LETTER

TO MY DAD RIGHT NOW AND LAY

EVERYTHING OUT TO HIM.

HE CAME TO SEE ME AT THE

FIRST CHANCE, AND HE SAID IT

IS OKAY, AND HE FORGIVES

ME.

AND HE TOLD ME, HE SAID, I

REALLY DIDN'T THINK YOU DID

IT.

SO FOR HIM TO HEAR ALL OF

THAT AT ONCE AND FOR HIM TO

FORGIVE ME, IT IS AMAZING

STUFF.

BETWEEN SACRA JAIL AND

PRISON, I WAS LOCKED UP FOR

A LITTLE OVER FIVE YEARS.

I GOT OUT OF PRISON IN 200O

AND STARTED COLLEGE

IMMEDIATELY.

I STARTED ARGUING WITH A

YOUNG WOMAN WHO WAS AN

AGNOSTIC, AND SHE EVENTUALLY

BECAME A CHRISTIAN, AND WE

WERE MARRIED THE FOLLOWING

YEAR.

YOU HAVE KIDS, AND GETTING

TO WATCH THEM GROW UP, AND

GIVEN THE THINGS I HAVE

DONE, I SHOULD NOT BE ABLE

TO HAVE THIS SORT OF NORMAL

LIFE.

IT KIND OF BLOWS ME AWAY.

I WANT PEOPLE OUT THERE TO

KNOW THAT THERE IS A CREATOR

TO THIS WORLD, THAT THERE IS

A POINT TO THIS WORLD, THAT

OTHER PEOPLE ARE IMPORTANT,

THAT IT IS NOT JUST ALL

ABOUT YOU.

JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD,

AND THAT SHOWS THAT THERE IS

A POINT TO EVERYTHING, THAT

THERE IS A CREATOR, THAT HE

DOES CARE ABOUT US, AND THAT

HE ENTERED HIS WORLD TO DIE

FOR US.

AND THAT IS A MESSAGE THAT

MATTERS BECAUSE IT CHANGES

EVERYTHING.