SHAME KEPT ME SILENT FROM

MY RAPE.

SHAME KEPT ME SILENT FROM

BEING SEXUALLY ABUSED

BECAUSE I HAD THAT THAT'S

WHAT I DESERVED.

Reporter: AT JUST SEVEN

YEARS OLD, POLLY WRIGHT

BEGAN CARRYING A SECRET.

WHEN YOUR INNOCENCE IS

TAKEN FROM YOU AT A VERY

YOUNG AGE, SOMETHING BREAKS

INSIDE OF YOU.

AND I BELIEVED IT WAS MY

FAULT.

LITTLE GIRLS ARE NOT MADE

FOR SEX.

Reporter: AND THAT WAS

ONLY THE BEGINNING.

POLLY WAS TOO ASHAMED OF

WHAT HAPPENED TO ASK FOR

HELP.

SHE COULDN'T TRUST ANYONE,

EXCEPT HERSELF.

I STARTED DABBLING IN

DRUGS AND ALCOHOL MYSELF

WHEN I WAS ABOUT 11, AND

THAT JUST CONTINUED DOWN A

REALLY BAD PATH AND A BAD

SPIRAL.

DURING A DRUG DEAL, WHEN I

WAS 14, I WAS THE PAYMENT

FOR DRUGS.

I WASN'T WORTH ANYTHING,

JUST A BAG OF POT.

SO THE FEAR WAS TERRIFYING.

Reporter: TIRED OF

BEING USED FOR SEX, POLLY

SAW AN OPPORTUNITY TO TURN

THE TABLES ON MEN BY DANCING

AT A STRIP CLUB.

FOR ONCE SHE DIDN'T FEEL THE

NEED TO BE ASHAMED.

I WENT THERE AND JUST

REALLY HAD THE SENSE I WOULD

ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO CONTROL

THESE MEN, THAT THIS IS MY

CHANCE TO BE ABLE TO TELL

THEM, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN

TOUCH ME, OR, NO, YOU

CAN'T.

AND IF YOU DO, YOU'RE GOING

TO PAY ME FOR IT.

I WOULD HAVE TO BE DRUNK TO

DANCE.

THEN I WOULD DANCE AND I

WOULD BE WASTED.

AND THEN I WOULD LEAVE AND I

WOULD GO HOME WITH SOME GUY,

OR JUST GO HOME AND DRINK

UNTIL I'D PASS OUT.

Reporter: FOR POLLY,

THE MONEY WAS GOOD.

BUT AFTER A FEW YEARS OF THE

LIFESTYLE AND SLEEPING WITH

COUNTLESS MEN, THE SHAME

CAME BACK.

IT IS LIKE A POISON THAT

JUST SITS INSIDE OF YOU, AND

JUST ROTS EVERY PART OF YOUR

SOUL.

AND IT COMPOUNDED SO MUCH

WHERE I WOULD START HAVING

THOUGHTS OF DEATH.

I DIDN'T WANT TO LIVE

ANYMORE BECAUSE WHAT'S THE

POINT?

Reporter: AFTER DANCING

ONE NIGHT, POLLY SAT IN HER

CAR WITH A GUN ON HER LAP

AND THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE ON

HER MIND.

I TOOK THE GUN, AND AFTER

JUST ALL OF THOSE YEARS OF

JUST NOT THINKING THAT I'M

WORTH ANYTHING TO BE ALIVE,

I DROVE AROUND WITH THE GUN

IN MY LAP, WITH EVERY

INTENTION TO TAKE MY LIFE.

Reporter: POLLY DIDN'T

PULL THE TRIGGER THAT DAY.

SHE QUIT DANCING, CHECKED

HERSELF IN REHAB, AND MOVED

OUT OF STATE, TRYING TO RUN

FROM HER PROBLEMS.

SHE EVEN MET A MAN AND SOON

GOT MARRIED.

AND WITHIN NINE MONTHS OF

MEETING, WE GOT ENGAGED, GOT

PREGNANT, MOVED OUR WEDDING

UP, AND ENDED UP HAVING TWIN

BABY GIRLS.

Reporter: POLLY TRIED

HER BEST TO BE A NORMAL WIFE

AND MOTHER, BUT WAS STILL

HAUNTED BY THE SHAME OF HER

PAST.

HAVING THE REALIZATION OF

WHAT THE ABUSERS HAD DONE

WITH ME, I JUST REALLY

STUFFED THAT AS FAR BACK AS

POSSIBLE.

AND HA THINKING IF I DON'T

TALK ABOUT IT, IF I DON'T

DEAL WITH IT, IT'S NOT GOING

TO COME UP.

BUT WHAT THAT DID IN MY

MARRIAGE WITH MY HUSBAND, IS

IT WOULD GO WHERE I COULDN'T

EVEN GIVE MYSELF TO HIM.

I DIDN'T WANT TO BE

TOUCHED.

I COULDN'T HAVE SEX.

AND AT HOME I CAN'T SEEM TO

EVEN KNOW WHO I AM.

AND THAT DEPRESSION -- IT'S

SO SELF-CONSUMING THAT YOU

CAN'T EVEN GIVE YOURSELF TO

LOVE PROPERLY.

Reporter: AFTER YEARS

OF THE SHAME AND AFTER YEARS

OF THE LIES, POLLY'S HUSBAND

ENCOURAGED HER TO GO TO

CHURCH.

I'M SITTING THERE, AND

THE WOMEN WALK US THROUGH

THIS EXERCISE.

SO WE'RE PICTURING JESUS.

AND I'M PICTURING HIM, AND

I'M TAKING MY HAIR, AND WITH

MY TEARS, WASHING HIS FEET.

BUT HEARING HIS VOICE

SAYING, YOU ARE WORTHY.

YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER.

AND EVERYTHING IN YOUR PAST

HAS BEEN FORGIVEN.

AND I LOVE YOU.

AND THAT BROKE ME.

AND I GOT UP FROM THAT,

BECAUSE I COULDN'T SIT AT

HIS FEET ANYMORE BECAUSE I

DID NOT FEEL THAT.

I DID NOT FEEL WORTHY FOR

HIS LOVE.

Reporter: BUT THAT

STARTED POLLY ON A JOURNEY,

ONE SHE HAD NEVER BEEN ON

BEFORE.

AND ONE BY ONE THE LIES AND

THE SHAME SHE LIVED WITH ALL

OF HER LIFE BEGAN TO FALL.

I'VE NEVER THOUGHT I WAS

WORTHY OF ANYTHING.

TO HAVE LOVE...TO HAVE THIS

BEAUTIFUL FAMILY, TO HAVE A

MARRIAGE THAT IS WORTH

FIGHTING FOR, WORTHY TO BE

LOVED AND TO KNOW WHAT TRUE

LOVE IS, I NEVER THOUGHT

THAT.

SO THAT WORD WOULD TAKE ME

TO MY KNEES.

AND WHEN CHRIST HELD MY FACE

AND SAID, YOU ARE WORTHY.

YOU ARE A WORTHY DAUGHTER OF

THE KING AND I LOVE YOU, IT

SPEASPED UP TIME SO MUCH.

WHEN I STARTED CAPTURING

THOSE LIES THAT I WAS DIRTY

BECAUSE OF ALL OF THE SEX I

HAD AND ALL OF THE MEN I LET

TOUCH ME.

AND GOD WOULD SAY, YOU ARE

PURE.

YOU ARE A PURE DAUGHTER.

AND I PURIFY YOU.

THERE IS NO OTHER FREEDOM.

NOTHING CAN GIVE YOU FREEDOM

LIKE THAT.

AND THERE IS REALLY, FOR ME,

NO WORDS FOR IT.

BECAUSE IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.