A Simple Wedding

By Sharon Hanby-Robie
GuidePosts Books

Dazzling or Stressed Bride - You Choose

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youth grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

— Isaiah 40:29–31

I want you and your fiancé to memorize this verse. Why? The answer is simple: You will need the strength of the Lord to get you through the next several months. The closer you get to the wedding day, the more stressed, weary, and weak you may feel. You may even feel so stressed that you want to cancel the entire event and simply hide under your bed covers. Alas, don’t dismay — it is perfectly natural to experience stress during the wedding-planning process. How you choose to react to stress is the key to surviving this entire process without becoming Bridezilla!

Your stress will not just be emotional; it will be physical too. Planning a wedding is not for the weak. It requires the stamina of Job and the strength of Solomon’s army. Attempting to accomplish all the necessary and numerous tasks in a specific amount of time, while simultaneously maintaining your career, and meeting all the new social demands that are placed on your time is a feat to reckon with. Just to complicate things even more, now there are now two families who want your attention and have opinions about how well you are or are not doing things.

Add to that the fact that with all these distractions and engagements you are probably not eating properly, or worse yet, are attempting to lose two dress sizes before the wedding. Regular exercise? What’s that? And when was the last time you had a good, full night’s sleep? Get ready, because all of this can take its toll on your immune system, too. The last thing you need is to fight a three-week-long cold.

Slow Down and Work Your Plan

It’s time to get control. First realize that the stress from the excessive demands is one of the simplest things to reduce by simply limiting activities. Stop driving all over town and use the Internet and phone to do some of your planning. Stop expecting to find the “perfect” florist at the cheapest price. Choose what is more important — saving $200 or saving your sanity? Realize too, that some responsibilities can be delegated. This is where a good, organized, and dependable person is worth their weight in gold. I know that if I reached out in a cry for help, my friend Jan would do whatever was necessary to help.

It’s also important to differentiate between stress coming from the outside and stress that is self-imposed. For example, if you have not worn a size two dress since you were sixteen, give up on the idea of wearing a size two wedding gown. Also except the reality that you cannot please everyone — and that includes the two hundred guests you have invited, your soon-to-be mother-in-law, and your next-door neighbor. And the most important thing to realize: there is no such thing as perfection on this earth. So do not expect your wedding day to be perfect. Something can and will go wrong. And that is okay.

Simplicity Made Simple

Use visual imaging to decrease wedding-planning stress. Instead of stressing out over a missed appointment with the caterer, imagine how wonderful you will feel as you walk down the aisle on your father’s arm. Envision yourself as a confident, radiant, and composed bride who is about to embrace love and joy. Let yourself daydream about all the things your future will bring.

Instead of arguing, communicate. My dear Dave had this weird idea that getting engaged and married would suddenly make us function as if we had only one mind and one body. That may seem romantic, but the reality is that I have and will always have my own strong opinion and that sometimes it will not agree with his. Our individual histories, and our communication styles combined with our unique style of dealing with stress, anger, disappointment, and even joy all played a part in how we managed through the wedding planning process. Pre-marital counseling was an enormous help in teaching us techniques and giving us perspective. I highly recommend combining wedding planning with pre-marital counseling.

Keep a sense of humor. Getting worked up over every little thing is not going to make anything better. Besides, laughter is the best medicine, especially when it comes to dealing with stress. Learn to be flexible. Stuff will happen but it need not cause stress. Keep things in perspective. Yes, your wedding day is a big deal — but it is not the rest of your life. Your marriage is. If something goes wrong on your wedding day, it will not be the end of the world.

Try some proven stress reducers suggested by the National Headache Foundation (headaches.org). Get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning. Simplify, simplify, simplify. Recognize that procrastination is stressful. Rather than putting off until tomorrow, do what you can today. Get enough sleep. Allow time for yourself — everyday — for privacy, quiet, and introspection (and prayer, my addition). Schedule a realistic day. Avoid the tendency to schedule back-to-back appointments. Do something you enjoy everyday. Keep a journal and write down your thoughts and feelings. It can help give you a renewed perspective. Create order out of chaos. Organize whatever space you need to so you always know where things are. Live one day at a time.

Have fun. Try declaring a wedding-free weekend. Do not allow yourselves to talk or argue about anything that involves wedding plans. Take a break and go out with your girlfriends. Sometimes too much togetherness is simply too much. Encourage your fiancé to do the same with the guys. Consider going out on a formal/fancy date. With all the chaos and hubbub regarding the wedding, it’s easy to lose sight of what brought the two of you together in the first place. Get dressed up, make reservations at your favorite restaurant and reconnect. (And don’t count the calories!)

Don’t forget to take care of your body. Exercise. Choose the form that you enjoy the most and use it to reduce your stress. For me, Pilates Reformer classes work like a charm. I also get a deep massage whenever I feel the pressure is simply too much. My weakest area is my neck and shoulders — they are the first place I feel the stress. Be aware of your own trigger points and take care of them sooner, rather than later. Or light a few candles and let aromatherapy go to work. Your olfactory system will send signals to the areas of your brain that govern the hypothalamus, which will result in the endocrine and hormonal systems to relive pain, enhance immunity, and make you feel better. Of course, don’t forget to fix yourself a nice hot cup of chamomile tea as well. Now, relax. Everything is going to be fine.

Lord, if I am tempted to be anxious, I will put my hope in You. I will remember that my plans are temporal, but Yours are eternal and You have promised to always be with us. Amen.

This excerpt is from Sharon's book, A Simple Wedding. Used with permission.