CBN.com – Bestselling
author Karen Kingsbury's Red Gloves novels have touched the hearts
of many. In this final installment of the series, she gives us
the unforgettable story of a young woman whose greatest wish is
to be loved by her father. Read an excerpt below.
Chapter One
Motherhood never slowed Carol Roberts. Not when she'd first had
Hannah fifteen years ago, and not now.
Back when Hannah was born, her father took care of her. He was
smitten by the dark-haired, blue-eyed baby from the moment she
came home. Hannah was a good girl. When she was old enough for
kindergarten she was easily top of the class, and she held that
distinction up until her current year as freshman at Thomas Jefferson
College Preparatory. Carol was proud of her. But Hannah was still
a child, and ambitious career plans didn't mix with children.
Even the nicest children.
That's why Carol didn't mind living half a world away from Hannah.
The two kept in touch through E-mail and phone calls, and twice
a year-summer and Christmas-Carol and her husband found their
way back to the States for a visit. Hannah wouldn't have had any
normal sort of life living overseas, and it wasn't as if they
had any choice.
Carol's husband was ambassador to Sweden. The role of ambassador
came with a host of responsibilities- some political, some practical,
and some purely social in the name of goodwill. That November
numerous dignitaries had passed through the office, and plans
had been made for a round of holiday parties that would involve
key international politicians-all of whom deserved the attention
of Jack Nelson Roberts Jr.
Carol loved being in the middle of it all. Whether the day's
work included a luncheon with visiting influentials or a party
at a nearby ballroom, she thrived in her husband's arena, being
a part of what he did-not only to help him look good, but because
she had political aspirations of her own.
Maybe when Jack was finished with his work at the Swedish embassy,
they could return to Maryland and she could try her hand at an
office-something small to start with-and eventually work her way
to being a representative, or a senator, even. She would be closer
to Hannah that way. By then her daughter would be older-old enough
that Carol could hire her as an intern and the two could get to
know each other better.
For now, though, that type of day-in, day-out relationship would
have to wait. Life at the embassy was simply too busy, too important,
to take a chance on missing a key party or business dinner. Never
had there been so many people to connect with, so valuable a host
of politicians to get acquainted with. They were doing the United
States a favor by giving the job their complete attention as winter
approached. That was the reason they'd made their decision about
the holidays.
This Christmas-for the first time-there would be no trip home.
The holiday social demands on the embassy were too great to leave
behind. Late the night before, Carol had alerted Hannah about
the conflict. There would be a change of plans, she told her daughter.
"Your father and I won't be coming home for Christmas after
all," she wrote. "Not this year."
She'd hoped Hannah would understand. Christmas was just another
day, after all. Another day in a round of parties and celebrating
and merriment that went from September to January, and January
to June, one year into the next for the Roberts family. Certainly
Hannah could get through one Christmas without being dragged to
a round of adult parties in Washington, D.C. In fact, Carol had
expected Hannah might be relieved. The revised plan meant Hannah
could spend the holidays relaxing with her grandmother or visiting
her school friends.
But Hannah's response had been short, almost jaded. "Fine,
Mother," she'd shot back in an E-mail that morning. "How
completely understandable that my parents would choose parties
in Sweden over Christmas with me. Love you, too."
Love you, too? Carol had stared at those words, puzzled.
What sort of response was that? The letter made Carol wonder
if she'd made a gargantuan mistake with Hannah all these years,
if she'd grossly underestimated Hannah's acceptance of her lifestyle.
Ever since returning to the D.C. area, Carol had assumed her
daughter understood her position. The Roberts family wasn't like
regular families. There was a price to pay for Jack's title, both
when he was a senator, and now as an ambassador. It wasn't so
unusual, really. Nearly all of Hannah's school friends had parents
whose lives involved political obligations. Senators stationed
in Washington, D.C., spent half their time with their constituents
in offices across the country. And those involved with international
politics spent most of the year overseas.
It was a way of life. So why the attitude from Hannah? As if
Christmas wouldn't be the same if she and Jack didn't come? Carol
fixed herself a salad for lunch and mulled over the situation.
Hannah was beyond the sentimentality of the working class, wasn't
she? The girl understood their lifestyle, how power and position
came with a certain type of independence, one that didn't have
room for hurt feelings or needy pairings between parents and children.
She loved Hannah, of course-loved her the way mothers in her
social strata best loved their children. Not with gushy hugs or
kisses or flowery words, but with actions. The proper way. Carol
and Jack paid for the house in The Colony and tuition at TJ Prep,
the best education a child could ask for. Beyond that they provided
Hannah private instruction in dance, voice, and piano, and finishing
school. In a few short years, Carol had plans for her daughter
to work with her.
That was love, wasn't it? But as Carol finished her salad, as
she made her way to the back door and studied the meticulous gardens
around the cobblestone patio, she thought of something she hadn't
before: maybe Hannah was lonely. She was still young, after all.
Maybe her schoolwork and lessons and practices had worn her out,
and left her wanting adult company more than a quiet grandmother
could give.
The clock ticked out a steady rhythm in the background and a
pleasant lemony smell wafted through the kitchen, the result of
something the housekeeper was working on in the next room. Carol
squinted at the sunsprayed shrubs in the back of the yard. Yes,
that had to be the problem. Hannah simply wanted a little life
in the old house.
So who could spend Christmas with Hannah? She and Jack were out
of the question, at least for now. But there had to be someone
in their circle, someone besides Grandmother Paul, who could spend
a few days with Hannah over the Christmas break.
Then, for the first time in years, a thought came to Carol.
Maybe it was time to tell her about Mike Conner. Mike, who had
been Carol's first love, the man she lived with for nearly four
years after Hannah was born. The man Hannah knew nothing about.
Her biological father. Carol had hoped to wait until Hannah was
eighteen to tell her, but she was fifteen now. That was old enough,
wasn't it? She held her breath as she made her way through the
kitchen and into her office. The box was still tucked away under
the desk, in the corner of the room. The box held everything that
reminded Carol of her old life, the one she'd lived before she
married Jack.
She remembered to exhale. Then, with quiet steps, she crossed
the room, pulled the box into the middle of the floor, and removed
the lid. The first thing inside was a manila envelope with a single
name written in black permanent ink across the top: Mike.
A rush of feelings came over her and she could see the vast stretch
of Pacific Ocean, hear the steady rush of waves against the shore,
feel the warm sand between her toes as she sat on the beach watching
him surf. She'd met him there, and from the beginning he'd had
a surfboard tucked under one arm.
Carol closed her eyes and allowed the memory to have its way
with her. She had been a dreamer back then, and Mike her blond,
blue-eyed dream boy. Her parents had taught her about prestige
and propriety and marrying well, but Carol ignored their advice.
She'd been a hopeless romantic who had her own ideas about love,
and all of them centered around Mike Conner.
"He's a drifter," her mother had told her. "With
him you'll never amount to anything."
"He loves me, Mother," Carol insisted. "We'll
find our own way."
"He's not the marrying type." Despair rang in her mother's
voice. "You'll find nothing but heartbreak."
In the end, she'd been right-after four years of scrimping and
barely getting by, Carol and Mike began fighting. The magic was
long worn off by then, and Carol had to admit the truth in her
mother's prediction. Mike wasn't the marrying type. He'd never
even asked her, not until she first brought up leaving. But by
then it was over. Mike had enlisted in the Army and gone to Fort
Seal in Oklahoma for training. Three weeks later, alone and anxious
for her old life, Carol and Hannah left one rainy April morning
and never looked back.
Knowing she couldn't marry him, Carol hadn't put Mike's name
on Hannah's birth certificate, and he hadn't argued about the
fact. Not at first, anyway. Probably because he'd figured Carol
would come around eventually, and the two of them would marry.
Then he could easily add his name to Hannah's birth records.
In the months before he enlisted, he'd been anxious for it all-marriage,
a proper place on Hannah's birth certificate, a family life together.
But by then, Carol was ready to go home, ready for the life her
parents had wanted for her. When she and Hannah said good-bye
to the small beach house, Carol left behind no information or
letters or forwarding address. She returned to Maryland and picked
up with Jack Roberts-high-society politician and former playboy.
The two were married within a year, and Carol's mother moved into
Jack's guesthouse while she and Jack and Hannah took the main
house-a veritable mansion.
Life improved overnight for everyone except Hannah. For two years
Hannah had talked about her daddy, asking where he was and crying
for him. Sometimes Jack would hold her and rock her, telling her
that he was her father now. Always, though, they had known Hannah
would be fine-and she was. In time she forgot about the daddy
they'd left behind, believing that Jack was, indeed, her father.
But she deserved to know about Mike, and now was as good a time
as any.
Carol held the envelope to her face and breathed in. It smelled
old and musty and faintly like the sea, the scent of forgotten
days and bygones. She opened the flap and pulled out the first
picture. It was a photo of Mike and Hannah, just around the time
when Hannah was starting to walk. The two were cuddled in a wornout
recliner, and Mike was reading to her. He'd always been reading
to her. Hannah had one pudgy arm draped along the back of his
neck, her grin reached from one ear to the other.
Carol set the picture aside and sorted through the rest of the
envelope. After a few minutes she chose two photographs-the first
one, and one of Mike with his surfboard, his blond hair cut short
per the instructions of his Army enlisting officer. She sifted
through the bag again and found a metal lapel pin-a pair of wings
Mike bought in the days before he left for training.
"Daddy's gonna be a pilot one day, Hannah. An Army pilot.
Then I'll have a real pair of wings." She could hear
him still, full of confidence and hope that he'd make good on
his dreams and give Carol the life he thought she wanted.
By the time Mike had plans to leave for training, he was worried
Carol would bolt, that she'd pick up her things one day, leave
with Hannah, and never look back. Before he left he'd pulled her
aside and given her the wings, the ones he'd bought. Sincerity
rang in his words. "I want Hannah to have these. Make
sure, okay?"
A gust of guilt blew over Carol. She'd forgotten his request
until now. Forgotten it as if he'd never even asked. She blinked
and set the wings in the pile with the two photographs. At least
she was taking care of it now. It wasn't too late. Besides, if
Hannah were any younger she wouldn't have appreciated this-not
the pictures nor the wings nor the information about Mike.
Carol sorted through the envelope and pulled out a list of details
scribbled on an old, yellowed piece of notebook paper. The list
represented all the information she'd had on Mike Conner back
then.
She studied the sheet: his name, an old address and phone number
in Pismo Beach, California. His age back then-twenty-three-and
his birth date. And the fact that he'd joined the Army in early
spring 1994.
That was it-all she had to remember him by. For nearly a minute
Carol studied the sheet and wondered. Was this the right thing
for Hannah? The right timing? Would she be angry that she hadn't
been told sooner? She hesitated and stared at the photo. It had
been her decision to keep the information from Hannah. If Hannah
was upset, they'd work through it, the same way they'd work through
spending a Christmas apart.
Parenting wasn't much different from a business arrangement where
most of the time the details ran smoothly, but some days brought
disturbing news and hard work.
Carol made a copy of the detailed information and slipped it
with the photos into a new envelope. Then she typed a quick letter
of explanation. She was sorry about the past, but there was nothing
she could do about it. Hannah needed to know. Maybe if the girl
spent the holidays looking up Mike Conner, the distraction would
keep her from being lonely.
Carol sealed the envelope, addressed it, and set it in the outgoing
mail tray. She glanced at her watch. It was time to put together
the invite list for the black-tie Christmas party.
Excerpted from Hannah's
Hope Copyright 2005 by Karen Kingsbury. Reprinted by
permission of Warner Faith, an imprint of Time Warner Book Group.
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