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Dealing with Post-Abortion Syndrome

By Charlene Israel
CBN News Assoc. Producer

CBN.com – (CBN News) - For Max Baker,44, the pain after an abortion is not just a woman's issue.

"The shame and the guilt -- I guess the way that I dealt with that was, don't talk about it. We don't talk about it - we don't bring it up. But the shame was always there," Max said.

Max and his wife Judy have been married for 16 years. But before they tied the knot, Judy got pregnant. Not wanting to be parents yet, they agreed to end the pregnancy. That decision to have an abortion is one Judy will never forget.

"When I lay down on that table, I knew it was wrong,” Judy admitted. “I knew that I was making the wrong decision. It was horrendous pain -- it was very painful. And then they put you in a room, in a recliner, and you sit there by yourself and you contemplate what you've just done for the next hour and a half, until they allow you to go home."

And when Judy wanted to talk about the abortion, Max just wanted to put the whole thing behind them.

"I didn't want to talk about it -- sort of like, out of sight, out of mind,” he said. “And if we don't talk about it, I wouldn't have to deal with it."

Abortion is often trumpeted as a quick, guilt-free solution to a tough situation. After more than 35 years of abortion-on-demand, the evidence is growing that for millions of people, abortion is a lingering, painful experience. It even has a name: Post-Abortion Syndrome.

The symptoms include depression, grief, sexual dysfunction, drug and alcohol abuse, and even attempted suicide.

Sheila Harper is founder of SaveOne, a post-abortion counseling ministry. She said, "A lot of times the pro-abortion side will say, ‘oh it's the religious people heaping all this guilt on these men and women who have experienced abortion’, but that's not true - the guilt just comes naturally."

SaveOne is just one of many pregnancy centers across the nation offering post-abortion counseling.

There Harper has seen the aftermath of abortion firsthand with the men and women who come to her center for help. But more than anything else, she understands it because of her own abortion experience back in 1985.

“I lived 7 years just in total regret and shame and just in a deep pit of depression…I never felt like I could go back to God,” Harper said. “Because, in my mind, there's no way God would accept me back after taking the life of my first child."

The depression was so dark that she borrowed a roommate's gun to take her own life...

"I got the pistol that she kept in her nightstand drawer,” Harper recalled. “I took it out of her drawer, went and sat on the edge of the couch, and I leaned over, turned that gun around and put the gun right between my eyes. And I was crying and trying to just come to the fact -- everything seemed so surreal -- I just tried to accept the fact that this was about to be over, all of this pain -- this rejection, the shame, this guilt was about to be over."

Harper thanks God that she was not able to go through with the suicide. After attending a Bible study at a local church, she turned to God for healing and forgiveness.

She says the concept for SaveOne was birthed out of her own post-abortion pain.

"There's no set area that I can say, this is the bulk of people who are coming to us -- it's anyone who has experienced abortion,” Harper explained. “And it's not the religious, and it's not {just] the non- believer. It's both."

SaveOne partners with pastors, churches, and other pregnancy centers to help those suffering the regret and shame of abortion. And the ministry offers a free 12-week class to help clients with issues like forgiveness and peace.

Natalie Glafka is now the national outreach director for SaveOne. But before that, she was one who took the class. Natalie had three abortions -- the first one when she was only 16 -years -old.

Glafka said, “One of the things -- when I look back to when I was 16 -- I was taught that was the answer to my problem. If you're pregnant and you don't want the child, then you abort the child."

Natalie says she had no idea her heavy drinking and drug use were connected to her abortions.

"I was an emotional wreck,” she said. “But I was also the type that I never thought about my abortions. I wasn't one that thought about the date, I wasn't one that often had nightmares. I was strong, and I was independent and successful. I had my own house. No one could tell me that anything I had done in my past was not good for me."

But after years of denial, Natalie cried out for help. She agreed to attend a class offered by Harper. The rest is history.

But for Donna Taylor, the guilt of having had an abortion was even greater. Donna was a Christian and she had been taught that abortion was the taking of a life.

"It played out mostly because I was sitting in churches where we had huge “sanctity of life” Sundays,” Taylor said. “They had huge services where women would stand up and confess their abortions and talk about their healing, and I would sit there holding onto it so tight. I was hurting and I'd go home and grieve over what I had done, but without the ability to find any place of release. I just was held captive to it."

But Donna credits SaveOne for helping her to be "one saved." She said, "I know the power of Jesus Christ to say, ‘You know what, that is under the Blood -- I died for that, you are free.’ And I know that."

Meanwhile, Max and Judy Baker, now born-again Christians, say while their abortion experience nearly destroyed their marriage, God's forgiveness is greater -- forgiveness for themselves and for one another.

Judy said, "We got married three months after this abortion, and we fought from that point forward. Our relationship had festered into one big boil. The Lord has just healed all of that."

Many states are now considering laws to ban abortion-on-demand. But counselors say that no matter what the law, they will be there to offer hope and healing to those suffering in silence.

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